how I opened my heart after a breakup
Breakups are never easy and most of the time it leaves a scar.
For me, it was not different. My divorce was a long and painful process, especially because the significant other was not collaborating.
After all the storm was gone, my heart and my mind were left with scars: fear of commitment, lack of trust and low self-esteem…
..and the path to getting better again was a tricky one.
My fear of commitment was strong. I didn´t want to commit to anyone since my marriage was not what I expected. It was a rollercoaster and I never really felt like I had a partner that I could trust.
So I was afraid of giving 100% of myself again and getting back 43% of the other. Of course, everyone gives what is ready and wants to give, but as my last relationship was so unbalanced it made me fear relationships.
It was a personal and internal path to learn how to commit again and actually want to be in a relationship and feel comfortable about it.
The lack of trust was built on me for several reasons (if I write everything it would be a book), and that made it tricky for me to trust and believe in what others said.
I became the type of person that didn´t believe in the others, even friends, and prefer to be in the companionship of my own solitude because at least I could trust myself.
It was a long hard road to learn how to trust again, and even today it is a bit of an open scar.
After being body-shamed in my last relationship and having my mental health unbalanced, my body changed, I gained weight and my self-esteem was out gone.
This one is still a very open wound, and I´m still working on it. It is not easy, it is not something that every day you are in the mood of. I learning that I can accept myself and my looks and accept the changes that come as something positive. But this lesson takes time, at least for me.
It was a long hard book of lessons, and some of these lessons I´m still learning.
The truth is that my heart was closed and he came and kicked the door without asking permission for it.
All my challenges came and I´m facing them because we cannot hide forever under the bed.
It is a hard road, it can be painful and it takes time to close the wounds, but in the end, these heart scars make you….you!
