Love’s Perpetrator

Photo Credit: Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

My broken heart laid in pieces

It is you who gifted me with these lies

And I naively believed them

I trusted your intent as I failed to catch my own heart

Fallen

Shattered to shards of jagged edges reflecting memories like bright sunlight

You hurt my eyes

The pain was too great to stand

You wouldn’t dare look at the palm of my hands when I cried many nights in an endless strife to piece together my love again

Attempts to manipulate your love to heal the parts of me that were fragile never worked

I could feel when the warmth of your heart lost focus

The caged pieces of me froze over

And we would begin living in a simulation of your very own twilight

The pain in my chest was immense as I tried to compress the bleeding

I wished for an antidote to this madness

But I fell victim to my own destruction when I found a way to erase you for sometime

I no longer felt the holes you punched in my gut

Addicted to replacing the pain of “something is wrong” with feeling numb

I said yes to foreign hands reaching into my darkness brewing a hatred

Her ways of curing the pain helped release the “feel good” drug

In my mind you were a compelling love I tried to rebel against

But it pains me to know that I was only ending my life

And yes you watched

You bared witness to an inhumane manslaughter that you never tried to stop

Is there a such thing as accessory to suicide

Because I know I died a million times

At the cost of your lies

I felt the butterflies erupt and leave the pit of my stomach

Through the holes you punched in it

Draped over

Dripping blood while I repeat the cycle of cleaning up my own heart