The NBA Playoffs Second Round Drama-O-Meter
We’ve made it and came out on the opposite end. Now it’s time to determine how the next round of the NBA Playoffs measure up to our narrative expectations.
In our previous exercise we’ve established that the NBA has a narrative problem, as in we try to generate narratives out of everything in order to enhance the basic viewing experience.
Because somehow watching a human being go all God of War on the NBA while also warring with sports media for fun and playing on a level that can best be defined as “radioactive” (and also averaging a triple double) isn’t enough. We truly don’t deserve Russell Westbrook in his full glory.
Now that the first round is over we’ve lost some of the best drama we were going to see. We lost Russ throwing down the metaphorical gauntlet to the world, scaling Mount Olympus and trying to dunk on Zeus until at least the second half of 2017. We’ve lost Chris Paul going out of his way to match a top 5 point-guard skill set with what appears to be the top 3 insufferable personality on the court (my favorite part about Chris Paul to this day is how every time you brush up against him his body convulses as if he’s standing really close to an epicenter of a strong explosion). We’ve lost Dennis Schroder going up against John Wall in the latest installment of When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong.
We’ve lost oh so much. But perhaps we gained something? I don’t know. I haven’t done the necessary research before this article. I have now.
4. Golden State versus Utah: Accepting the Inevitable
This latest thing I’m into is acceptance of the things we cannot change. I’ve made peace with the Golden State Warriors most likely winning the 2017 NBA title. It’s like the Avengers also added Batman to the mix. There is just nothing you will be able to do here and it’s basically up to fate.
We will watch the Warriors solely to see how many games they will lose en-route to the Finals, whether or not they disrespectfully sit Durant again and whether or not Steph Curry learned anything from that one time he (behind the back) threw away his team’s second title hope.
Now they come up against the Utah squad that is on the up and up, but not quite ready for the challenge the Warriors present. There aren’t pre-existing rivalries here and Utah itself are firmly in the “we’re happy to be here mode” after escaping in seven vs. the Clippers.
For them, the major Drama comes this summer when they have to solve what to do with Gordon Hayward and whether or not he’s going to stay. Giving Golden State the business in at least one game could go a long way in helping them make their argument when the free agency hits. I for one will spend this series stressing over how Hayward’s barber is able to apply his geometry degree to give him the perfect comb-over line.
3. Toronto versus Cleveland: Same Thing Different Year
LeBron James is the King of not only basketball, but of all other basketball subsidiary industries including the industry of the NBA narrative. LeBron James is the puppeteer of any and all media coverage surrounding Cleveland. He’s the director. He’s the architect. As such, his teams are always in the position to be in a drama-vortex as the season goes on.
This year, so far he has told us to not worry about the regular season. He openly beefed with Tristan on live television; he subliminally beefed with Kyrie, Love and the Cleveland management to some extent in expert display of sub-tweeting people in real life. He got Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. a week early and beefed with the whole world for having Kendrick Lamar’s DAMN. a week early. What I’m saying is, LeBron James controls his own story-line and this chapter of it is titled “King Kong Ain’t Got Shit On Me.”
After last year’s exhaustive, legacy cementing win against the Golden State Warriors in seven grueling games, LeBron James is back and this year he’s exercising one of the wisest movie/hip-hop advices I’ve ever seen. When you get there, act like you’ve been there before. And he has been there before; for six straight years. This is where you supposed to go back and read that line for added effect because of how unprecedented it is.
The Cleveland Cavaliers have no beef with the Toronto Raptors as much as they just want to get past the Toronto Raptors. There isn’t a major conflict here for either side to fulfill except for how fast Toronto fans can turn on a player like Kyle Lowry because our offensive system is not built for playoff success. Maybe P.J. Tucker can get under LeBron’s skin enough to give us another scolding “what you doing boy” moment, but in the absence of that, here are some minor things you can look out for:
- Cory Joseph vs. Tristan Thompson Canadian Rivalry
- Norm Powell
- Cleveland Defense vs. the Jonas Valanciunas surprisingly effective “why does anyone bite on this” pump fake.
- LeBron James vs. Age
- Serge Ibaka’s defensive impact and how he once punched a man.
2. Houston versus San Antonio: The Texas Stand-Off
The current San Antonio Spurs are a legacy. They aren’t as much a basketball team as they are an institution. I’m pretty sure Pop can coach a D-League team into the playoffs and our overwhelming narrative will be that they’re under performing. The Houston Rockets are the second most exciting thing about Texas right now, taking the Mike D’Antoni offense and injecting with steroids at a rate not even recommended by people who recommend steroids usually.
The tension here is higher because of the close proximity of two teams within one state. It’s also old school versus new. It’s James Harden versus the somehow overlooked all year MVP candidate Kawhi Leonard who will not get the respect he deserves this year, but you will not be able to tell if he cares behind his motionless facade of a face. It’s complete team basketball versus give James the ball and see what shakes out. And frankly, it can go either way.
Who you want to win here will depend entirely on what you think is more likely to beat Golden State, a team that gets hot and lives and dies by the three or a team that’s strategically engineered to operate with engineer-like precision like some sort of a basketball Death Star minus the very apparent weakness which was clearly a structural oversight. But the drama is somewhat damped by the simple fact that I don’t think Spurs care about the narrative; they just want to play basketball.
Washington versus Boston: All Black
If you were to rank the NBA’s who’s who of habitual line-steppers in the beginning of the year and track the fluctuations of said ranking throughout the year by some sort of criteria (now you know what I do with my free time), Markieff Morris would most certainly be trending upwards at this point. His back and forth with Paul Millsap is just one of many recent instances of habitual line-stepping and he has finally found the perfect team to exercise his power with.
Washington Wizards have a lot of pent up anger, and part of that is coming from their emotional center John “How Much Did Reggie Jackson Get Paid” Wall. Unlike Wall, the team around him has trended up and down between Playoff darlings who could possibly challenge to Randy Wittman forgetting for a second how clipboards are supposed to work. That anger spilled over into another young team on the come-up which was usurping the mantle in front of Washington’s very eyes. So then this happened.
You know, showing up to a series in all black sends a very distinct message. I once wore a t-shirt that said Learn with L crossed off to class and my teacher did not appreciate that one bit. That was pretty forward, but, also pretty petty. This is extra petty. This is next level of petty, in particular because no one really cared about Boston versus Washington up until that point. Not even residents of Boston or Washington. But from a petty fabrication we have the tensest series of the Playoffs for two teams vying for a chance to lose to the Cavaliers in what will be a lopsided Eastern Conference Final when it does happen. Until then, dress code is in effect.
