Story Of My Life

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

My name is (anonymous) I am the youngest of three. Out of three, two of us were raped, but I was raped, abused, and sold. My mom comes from a family history of rape. As for my dad, he is just sweet like cotton candy. It used to be hard to accept it, but I recently told my parents and even though it made my dad have a stroke and heart problems; and my mom got detected with cancer; they made me feel okay with accepting myself. Everything isn’t always rainbows and unicorns, but it isn’t all lightning and thunder.

I was thirteen when I started going through a strange phase. Wanting to die wasn’t a phase, it was reality. I would fall asleep hoping it was all a dream. Waking up in the mornings was such a drag; it was a burden. I would go to school, school felt like a globe. Everyone around me was moving but I was stuck, I couldn’t understand what I was feeling, all I knew was that I was angry and I didn’t know if it was at myself or the world. My family could tell that the happy little girl was gone. Everyday felt like a routine: school, church, home. It was all too much having people constantly ask me “are you okay?” It was irritating, it made me feel sick.

Being raised in Christianity made this situation difficult, I would go and it was comforting, but at the same time it felt like I had a grudge against God. I would pray and ask “Why?” Preachers say God gave his life and only son for me and he just wants us happy. Except I wasn’t, I was drowning in this big whole and I couldn’t understand it. I could not accept it. I was brought into this world for a purpose and even though I wanted to die I knew I couldn’t because my purpose here on earth had not yet been fulfilled.

I am eighteen now, and as many times as I tried to commit suicide, as many times as I tried to end my life, I just couldn't. Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse I once read in the bible when my heart felt at ache, when I felt like I couldn’t find peace within myself. Jeremiah 29:11 changed my life, and made me feel like I have a purpose in this world. I refuse to let the man who hurt me define me, I refuse to let the media turn me into another statistic, I refuse to let anyone define who I am.

I write this to give hope to those boys and girls who have been hurt physically, I dedicate this to those who feel like ending their life is the answer. Everyone is special in their own way, everyone has something to pursue in this world. Peace eventually comes to the heart once you learn to accept, forgive, and move on no matter how difficult it feels. The rainbows at the end of the tunnel. But don’t give up, don’t let the other person win. Define yourself and your purpose and be who you were meant to be.

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