Binge Eating Disorder.
Reality.
My reality.
My truth.
My transparency.
My old reality.
My old truth.
Honesty for myself and for others.
The answer is love.
Living for food.
What a sad concept.
Feelings of lack of control.
Surrendering to the addiction.
Trying to tell myself it’s okay.
It’s not.
This is my only struggle.
Food thoughts.
I am mindful with everything else in my life.
I’m so good at mindfulness.
I’m so good at love.
I need help.
I want help.
From who?
Food disorders are real.
I am not alone.
I am here.
I am loved.
I am love.
Searching for help.
My backpacking trip around the world is going to heal me.
I am subconsciously trying to think my binging is okay for now because soon I’ll be in foreign countries and
in other countries, nobody knows me.
Judgement will not be there and if they are it will not matter because I don’t know these people.
This is me living through other peoples worlds and perspectives.
This is not me taking care of me.
I am ready to take care of me.
I am heavier. I have gained weight. While it’s okay, and not the end of the world, I still recognize that I don’t feel good.
It’s crazy how much food thoughts can control and take over ALL your thoughts. For hours, days, weeks, years.
I avoid looking in the mirror, I avoid reflections, I avoid photos.
Who am I?
I am not me. I am being trapped by my disorder.
What’s beautiful and amazing is that I KNOW I have the ability to overcome this. We all do.
And overcoming this is exactly what I’m going to do.
-Kay Madison
