I Feel Sorry
You know, I almost feel sorry for you. How you’ve never felt a darkness so deep that you physically can’t get out of bed…
I feel sorry that you never learned how to pick yourself up and keep moving forward when your mind was screaming no no no…
I don’t know what it’s like not to appreciate every breath I take because damn, I beat my own brain to allow me to live another day…
Is it schizophrenic when you know longer know which voice is your own? They both sound so clearly like you. One stuck so deep down that it doesn’t want to continue on and one saying please let me stay even if it’s only for one more day…
The sun rises every morning. Do you see that? Do you recognize the way your chest rises and falls? Do you feel your heart beating out of your chest? Can you allow the music to flow through you in a way that nothing else has before…
You know, I feel sorry that you never learned how to appreciate the people around you. You never learned respect and you never learned compassion…
I’m happy for you that you never had to lose someone close to you. Watching the struggle unable to help. And going through the stages of grief every time you breathe missing them and sorry their fate is what it had to be…
Take a deep breath and just breathe…
I feel sorry that you’ve never been set back. Because you never learn how to hold your head high; you never know what it’s like to be alone under the night sky. It’s a big big world out there…
Have you ever looked up and felt so damn small, but you take a moment to say hey to every soul that ever passed through your life…
I’m jealous that you’ve never experienced these things, but this is what makes me who I am I’m not proud of every moment but goddamn I have every right to be proud of who I am.
And maybe you haven’t seen darkness, but that doesn’t give you any right to try to bring a light to mine. There is no light for the darkness I have seen. But somehow, the world kept spinning, my heart kept beating and the sun came out every morning.
I learned something you will never know. I saw that somehow life goes on in the darkness. And I beg you, to see that I’m proud of who I am.
I’m proud of who I came to be.
