A MODEST PROPOSAL
So.
Trump on trial. Maybe. Indicted? Certainly. But, actual trial? Hmmm. Wait and see.
So much has been made of the unprecedented nature of the Manhattan D.A.’s office doing its actual job. This is something, at least in terms of the former president, NO legal agency had been doing.
Attempts were made, sort of, but all were shied away from due to “political expediency” (come for the king, you best not miss, son), complicancy with the kleptocratic regime (Barr’s Justice Department) or cowardice, pretty much everyone else.
But, hey, lucky world, Trump’s voted out by a majority of Americans and now, just maybe, three or four of the crimes of which he’s clearly guilty (there are literally hundreds of potential felonies and misdemeanors for which he could be prosecuted at the state level or the federal) might see prosecution. Civil suits abound but Trump is no stranger to these, having perfected the tactics of quiet settlement or perpetual delay to confound his attackers in that arena.
Criminal Court is a whole new ballgame so, insofar as SOME criminal charges are, apparently, possibly being launched, the pundit class has finally got off its collective butt to sort of maybe consider the possibly of a Negative Trump Outcome.
Trump Goes to Jail, IOW.
No one seriously imagines, regardless of potential guilty verdicts in any of these trials, that anything will actually happen to actually punish the Traitor-In-Chief.
Pundits: “How can we try an ex-president? How can we seat a jury of his peers? Isn’t the pool irretrievably tainted, pro or con, due to his media presence, notoriety and ongoing antics?”
The smug pearl-clutching is as cloying and disgusting as it was during Trump’s run, his victory and for the four years of his presidency. My personal disgust with the news media, law enforcement, government and the apathetic and immobile populace that allowed this creature to persist in the first place is nearly too high to measure.
Will he be tried for the treason in which he nakedly and obviously engaged? Coin flip. If tried, will he be convicted of even the smallest of his myraid offenses? My pragmatic mind and experience living in this country says… drum roll…
…absolutely not.
Already the pundit class is getting out in front of that outcome, voicing concern about how we’d actually try him, and, if convicted, how could we possibly punish an ex-president for any crime at all?
Prepping us for all the legal forms to be obeyed but for justice– whatever that even means anymore– to be denied. Again.
Heavens, what a pickle.
Most likely, Trump will live the remainder of his life in the luxury he’s made for himself and die in his or some sex worker’s bed, untouched and unpunished by the leagues-wide wake of shit and destruction he’s left behind.
But, just for giggles, let’s entertain what is perhaps the MOST insidious, disingenuous and, frankly, craven concern of the current pundit class:
What if he’s convicted of one or more of these Federal Charges (which, to date, remain uncharged)? Where would he be imprisoned and, moreover, what about the Secret Service, charged with guarding the lives of ALL ex-presidents, felons or not? What happens to those poor bastards assigned to keep him safe and alive?
The Founders made no provision for the imprisonment of ex-Presidents, because those Genius Hypocrites of the Enlightenment couldn’t conceive of a soul so cancerous and filled with excrement that it would literally destroy the nation to fuel its venal and prurient appetites.
They couldn’t imagine someone so evil as Mr. Donald J. Trump, meaning they also couldn’t imagine consigning a detail of protective agents to follow him into this hypothetical prison.
Prison’s for punishment, right? Americans seem to agree that it’s not for rehab and Trump’s not going to be put to work in one of the many penal sweatshops currently operating in the US. Can you imagine? No.
Still, are these blameless law enforcers, by dint of their jobs, forced to ALSO endure the prison sentence of the Criminal-in-Chief? Seems a bit unfair.
Logistically, regardless of the softness of the prison (don’t kid yourselves, Trump will never see the inside of Pelican Bay or Rikers. It’ll be some white-collar country club with state-of-the-art internet, entertinment, medical and sports facilities.) how can the protective detail do its job?
What to do, what to do?
If we look to the punditry class and news gatherers– something I’m daily less and less inclined to do– we get this solution:
HOUSE ARREST.
Essentially, under this scheme, Convicted Treasonaous Felon Donald J. Trump’s punishment for his crimes would be confinement in his Mar-A-Lago home, a literal country club
or in his Trump Tower penthouse (one of). Take a look.
Does this also seem… unfair… to you? It does me. Not unexpected. Not unpredictable. Just the normal unfairness we always see displayed when the wealthy, white and male are stupid and/or sloppy enough to actually get convicted of something major.
“House arrest.” Already the supposed reasonable minds are floating this as the only possible recourse. They are only thinking of logistics, they say, only factoring in the lives of those poor, innocent Protective Agents.
“For God’s sake, won’t somebody please think of the Secret Service?”
This is part of why they disgust me, the pundits who express this faux pearl-clutchery. These people are supposed to be experts. The only reason any of us are aware of them and bother to waste the time we do listening to their analyses and opinions is because of their specialized expertise in a given rarified field.
House Arrest is the best they can think of? Really?
Well, please allow this Lay Person, one with no more expertise than any random American with access to national history and, y’know, the INTERNET, to put forth a modest proposal for a site for Trump’s eventual incarceration.
Welcome to Fort Jefferson, Florida
From the NATIONAL PARK SERVICE website:
One of the largest of America’s 19th century coastal forts, Fort Jefferson is one of the central features of the seven “Dry Tortugas Islands” in the Gulf of Mexico. The construction of the fort began in 1846 and was planned and supervised by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. The labor force during the early years was made up predominantly of slaves from Key West. Although construction of the fort continued for 30 years it was never completed largely due to changes in weapon technology, which rendered it obsolete by 1862. After the Civil War, the fort was used as a federal prison. Among the prisoners kept there were several of the “Lincoln Conspirators.” … Dr. Samuel A. Mudd, the physician who set the broken leg of President Abraham Lincoln’s assassin, John Wilkes Booth. [...] The Department of the Army officially abandoned Fort Jefferson in 1874; established as Fort Jefferson National Monument in 1935, it was rededicated and renamed Dry Tortugas National Park on October 26, 1992.
This is a site that was used to hold TRAITORS, specifically engaged in a coup against the US Government. So it is literally fulfilling its design specs as a home for the Criminal-in-Chief.
It is a national park site, meaning it is ALREADY under the control of a federal agency, the National Park Service, with a history of working in tandem with other such agencies.
It is an island in the Gulf of Mexico meaning it is at once easy to secure by Secret Service mandate and would be considered a vacation spot for many Americans were it outfitted for family freindly fun. Agents getting stationed there on six-month duty rotations would suffer neither physical hardship nor stress. they’d only have one prisoner to secure and protect and they’re spending their off-duty in the Florida Keys. Pretty cush, I say.
Cost? Close to zero above what’s already been done. Secure a section of the prison to hold Trump. Beef up guards here and there. Set up a net of drones to keep an eye on idiots trying to get unauthorized access and we’re done.
Let’s face it; Trump isn’t escaping. That tub of guts couldn’t make a dash to the beach from his lawn chair. No way he pulls a Papillon on his own.
Lastly, it’s close to home. Trump’s a Florida citizen, so, under this proposed scheme, his loving family can easily and regularly drive down for visits, conjugal or otherwise. We do care, Melania. Some of us do care.
If, for some reason, Fort Jefferson is a no-go, here are a few other options. Certainly they vary in scenic appeal which would be too bad for the Secret Service detail in some cases but, for Prisoner Trump? Not an issue.
Lyndonville Air Force Station, Vermont (abandoned Radar site)
Bit of a fixer-upper but, again, this is PRISON, right?
Fort Pike, Louisiana (abandoned fort)
Also needs spot of paint here and there but, it’s a hop and a skip from the Big Easy and the cuisine will have to be delish.
Fort Ord, California (abandoned Army site)
A lot’s been torn down and some of the buildings have been repurposed but, it’s got a view and it’s close to some fun beaches and the entire Bay Area.
Like the others, it’s easy to secure and patrol and wicked hard to breach with only some minor personnel and tech upgrades.
The US owns literally hundreds of sites like these all across the lower 48, not all of which are in good repair or close to fun for off-duty agents. Which is all I’m thinking about here, really, the agents who deserve none of what Trump would have coming to him with a conviction.
House Arrest is absolutely not the best option.
But you’re dreaming if you think even that will actually happen.
