10 Easiest Ways To Get the Attention You Deserve For Valentine’s Day
Published in
2 min readFeb 7, 2021
- Buy a pack of Valentine’s Day cards and write “I’ve always had a crush on you!” inside them, and mail them to at least ten different people. Statistically speaking, someone HAS to want you back…right?
- Learn telepathy and use it to beg your cat to kiss your cheek.
- Pour a pot of honey on your head and go stand outside — trust me, someone or SOMETHING will definitely come your way.
- Go stand outside on the street…naked.*
*Don’t forget to wear your mask! - Venmo your friend $30 and ask them to use it to send you a bouquet of roses from “your secret admirer”.
- Put your cell-phone number on a bunch of business cards and stick them under peoples’ front doors. No explanation, no name — just curiosity, baby!
- Submit your own obituary to your local newspaper and when loved ones reach out to confirm if you’re “actually” dead, answer the phone like, “Well now that I’ve got your attention, how the hell are ya?”
- Red is the color of amore — so paint your entire body with the color red, run up to random people and shout, “Cupid says hello!” Then, poke them with an arrow.*
*Don’t forget to wear your mask! - Learn how to fly a plane and then buy a plane. Ok, do you have your plane and license ready? Perfect — now write your phone number in the sky.
- Go to therapy.
