A Companion Guide to the One Gallon Motivational Water Bottle
“I’m a bitch, I’m a mother, I’m a child, I drink water.”-Paul McCartney
Our bodies are 70% water and you’re 100% that bitch, but being a boss babe with an H2O beverage isn’t easy, so here’s the companion guide to your new, one-gallon water bottle!
Meal prep for the week! Keep your water bottle by your side.
Treat yourself to some new workout clothes! You’re saving so much money with your new water bottle now.
Take some cute selfies of you and your water bottle.
Check the toilet to see if your pee is clear.
Refresh your IG to see who liked said selfie while continuing to sip.
Think about how you’re flushing the toxins from your body aka Trevor from 4 years ago.
Set up laptop in bathroom so you can finally watch The Irishman while peeing and finish it in one day.
Check the toilet to see if your pee is STILL clear.
Watch Queer Eye to cry out some of the excess water.
Watch Planet Earth 2 and jiggle your belly during the ocean scenes.
Start reading and finish Infinite Jest while peeing.
Check the toilet to see if your pee is clear after finishing Infinite Jest.
Take a pee jar with you when driving to the grocery store.
Reenact The Little Mermaid boulder splash scene with your bladder whenever you hit the brakes while driving.
Think about how you’ll lick your Himalayan salt lamp like a Popsicle afterwards.
Google “Can you drown yourself from drinking too much water?”
