An Open Letter from an Ugly Christmas Sweater
I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you, but it’s actually really rude to call someone ugly.
Season’s Greetings,
I’m aware holiday cards usually begin with wishing the subject a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, but this year I have only one wish to make. I wish for you to stop calling me ugly.
I can’t believe I have to spell this out for you, but it’s actually really rude to call someone ugly, especially considering this time of year is supposed to be one of glad tidings and cheer.
What have I ever done to you to deserve such treatment, besides make you look amazing at your annual holiday party? You’re welcome, by the way.
I know what you must be thinking. I’m being too sensitive. I need to lighten up. It’s just a joke. But you know what? Personal attacks about my looks aren’t funny. You can shake your head all you want and call it political corrected nonsense. I call it common decency. I mean, how would you feel if I called you an Ugly Human and invited you to an Ugly Human party? Bet you wouldn’t feel so great about yourself.
Truthfully, I’ve struggled with low self-esteem because of this and had to seek treatment. At the recommendation of my therapist, I even joined a support group for other seasonal garbs where we vent and share our experiences. It’s helped a bit, but more needs to be done to make up for the countless years I have suffered and the emotional damage I’ve endured.
Some have said during our meetings I should embrace the ugly. You know, reclaim the word and make it my own, like women did with the word bitch. However, I am unable to find pride in being called ugly. It’s not empowering, uplifting, or gratifying.
Could I tone it down and lose the glow in the dark 3D structures? Sure. But why should I conform to your societal standards of beauty? I refuse to dampen my lights or throw away my tinsel and bows for the sake of appearing “normal.” If anything, I will add more! For I am not ugly, or gaudy, or corny. I am beautiful. I am unique. I am a strong independent sweater who demands some respect!
Wow, therapy really works. A few years ago I never would’ve been able to say all that, and mean it too!
If this grievance seems out of the blue to you, then you haven’t been paying attention. This issue has long been a snag in my yarn, a loose button on my chest, a permanent stain on my wool. I can no longer sit quietly in the back of your closet waiting for you to change. The time has come to retire the outdated name and end this ritual humiliation.
Why not call us Attractive Christmas Sweaters or Dazzling Christmas Sweaters? Or flashy, or creative, or really anything other than ugly? After all, tis the season to be jolly, not a jerk.
With Urgency,
A Beguiling Not At All Ugly Christmas Sweater
Hannah Byron is a writer with a strong Minnesota accent, a Downton Abbey enthusiast, and a supporter of handwritten correspondence.
