I’m The Last Valentine’s Day Card at Safeway, And I Own You
So, I guess it’s just you and me on Valentine’s Day. Last call. I think we can agree that Safeway saved the best for last. Sure, you would have liked a more lighthearted card. Something that says, “I agree that I am in some sort of relationship with you, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Maybe with just a hint of naughtiness to foreshadow your intentions for the evening. But that card sold out weeks ago — everyone wants that card. That card is the easy way out.
No, all you’ve got is me. The card with the “L” word, right there on the front, embossed like a topographical map with lacy hearts, and covered in more glitter than a kindergartner’s artwork. You’ve never said I love you to your valentine in real life, but what choice do you have now? Unless you want to venture over to the “Valentine — Grandmother Religious” section, I am your last bastion. Embrace your fate.
And as you take me with you to grab the last bedraggled bouquet of flowers by the checkout stand, take heart — love may fade, but glitter lasts forever.
