This Year We Earth Day Kids Have to Beat Those Snobby Arbor Day Kids From The Camp Across The Lake!
Hey campers! I know it’s been a tough summer, but it’s time to pull together. Here at Camp Earth Day, we’re a bunch of misfits and scamps, but there’s nothing in the camp charter that says those snobs across Lake Minnicheewee at Camp Arbor Day get to win the Summer Olympiad every gosh darn year!
I know, I know. Those Arbor Day kids have money and fancy trainers and that yacht they used to splash a huge wave and sink our battered but beloved rowboat, the SS Goldfish Cracker. And sure, they’ve won the Olympiad for the last 49 summers, all the way back to the founding of the two camps by a pair of environmentalist brothers turned bitter rivals. But c’mon! We can do it! And it’s about time they pay for all the pranks they played on us Earth Day campers this summer.
Remember how they filled up all our canoes with a bunch of moldy compost and told Chief Counselor Darryl that if we love Earth Day so much, we wouldn’t have a problem with some dirt?
Remember how they filled up 300 biodegradable water balloons with fancy mineral water and pelted Roscoe until he nearly drowned? And then they charged him for the Perrier!
And remember how they sent their butlers over to give us all pamphlets about how Arbor Day was first officially observed in 1594 in the Spanish village of Mondoñedo, where they go for New Year every year? Those Arbor Day snobs burn me up!
So we have to take those rich jerks down a peg! We’re not just a bunch of environmentally-conscious weirdos over here at Earth Day Camp, like they say! Sure, Roscoe wears those dorky big glasses and smells like milk all the time, but he knows all about sorting recycling and washing containers so they can be properly processed at the plant! And the Gulliver Twins may always speak in unison and give people the creeps, but just ask them to rattle off facts about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch! And even Harold Evers Washington IV, who used to be one of the Arbor Day kids before his Wall Street dad lost all their money in crooked trades and now he goes to Earth Day Camp! Even he has learned something about treating everybody equally and leaving a better, cleaner world for the next generation!
So remember what Earth Day is all about! It’s about saving the planet, not just having your butler plant a bunch of trees for you because you’re too rich to bother to do it yourself! This year, we’re going to win that Olympiad and ring the Olympiad Champion Bell, for the first time in Earth Day Camp history! Yeah!
And also, don’t go into the lake, because the EPA has listed it as too toxic for sustained contact.
