Valentine Gifts for Chicks as Curated by Straight Eye for the Middle-Aged Guy
**Co-written with Sherry Vondy Beaver.**
Middle-aged straight men: Are you panicking that your wife or girlfriend will once again scream at you and burst into tears over your Valentine’s gift? Ever been accused of “not understanding” after forking out twenty bucks for a heart-shaped toilet plunger? We know that picking out the right gift is harder than line dancing through a minefield. Purchase correctly, you might get laid. Buy something wrong and your balls will be bluer than the rust belt in the 2020 election. And obviously, you can’t just ask her what she’d like! But, buck up, bros! Straight Eye’s Mitch, Stan, and Bill have got you covered with this V-Day Gift Guide.
Lingerie (Which is French for “sexy underwear”)
This can be a nightmare. There’s the size issue, which you know you’ll get wrong. There’s also a million rants in your lady’s brain just waiting to be unleashed such as, “Have you ever seen me wear something like this?!” Instead, consider a gift card to JCPenney and write “For panties” on it in Sharpie. Or, get creative. Last year, our fashion expert Mitch bought himself some new white briefs and wrapped them up for his wife, since she’d been complaining that his were full of stains and holes.
