Am I Neglecting My Son or Is He Self-Isolating
My journey through pre-teens as a mom
Like many moms before me, I’ve entered the next level of motherhood as my firstborn turned 12 this past April. And now, I’m continually asking myself this question.
Am I neglecting my son and not spending enough time with him, or is he still self-isolating on his own free will?
My firstborn, and now my pre-teen, is a boy. Here we are in the age of electronics where most kids’ friendships are lived out online and through video games. So how do you think he enjoys spending most of his time? Playing video games with his friends online. A.K.A. pretty much locking himself in his room, only running out to use the bathroom and get food. This didn’t just start overnight, though, once he turned twelve. It’s been a continuing factor that’s increased since the age of 10.
There are also other contributing factors in our situation that I try to consider when making this determination. For instance, his father and I are no longer together. Still, we have always lived 15 minutes from each other, and we have co-parented very well. Our arrangement is a week on a week off. I’m with my boy every other week. When he’s at his father’s house, he has to share a room with his younger brother, as opposed to when he’s here with my husband and me. Therefore, he has the opportunity for more privacy.
These things considered, along with my remembrance of being an adolescent, I still seem to be questioning whether he’s alone in his room because he wants to be and is enjoying his time there, or am I not trying to spend more time with him?
I have talked to him about it, and he claims that he likes hanging out in his room and playing with his friends or building legos and that he doesn’t feel pushed aside. He knows that if he wants to do something, he just has to come and get me. We have our family movie nights and play games together. I talk to him, check in on him, make him his favorite breakfast with strawberry milk in the mornings while he’s home-schooling, and stay on top of his school work.
I’m still a hands-on mom. It just seems as though I’m not needed as much. And I’m learning to live with that. This is another obstacle a mom faces when her kid enters puberty.
