Can Shared Insecurities Become Your Advantage?
an alternative approach to starting conversations
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, starting a good conversation isn’t easy. Maybe it’s the fear of judgment by others or lack of ideas for a hilarious start that lets us play it safe. Whatever the obstacle may be, let’s talk about a new approach to starting a conversation with more compassion and relaxation.
‘When you don’t feel confident enough to approach someone, just imagine they’re having the same insecurities as you do. In all areas of life. May it be their looks, their work experience, knowledge on political issues or expressing their feelings. Whenever you expect your insecurities in your counterpart, you’ll feel nothing but sympathy and understanding. Talking to strangers becomes easy in a heartbeat and the level of compassion rises exponentially.’, said my good friend Lukas.
It works in all kinds of situations, with any insecurity you can think of. And it helped me tackle and overcome my biggest challenge in life: approaching strangers as a highly sensitive person (short: HSP).
The concept is simple: the reasons for your insecurities aren’t peerless. Most of us struggle with the same issues. If you want to approach an unknown person but feel uncertainty pop up, imagine the other person wanting to do the same and having the same issues during execution. This will help you speak to people differently from the get-go, mingle more fluently on events and, as a side-effect, have more empathy for strangers altogether.
You will find it a lot easier to approach someone attractive if you quit thinking you’re the only one being insecure about not looking good enough. If you walk up to the girl in blue, standing solo on the other side of the convention hall, chances are high. She wanted to mingle 50 minutes ago, too but didn’t dare to start a conversation.
What you will gain from this approach is valuable:
- Investigating your feelings as they come up increases understanding of your situation as well as what others might deal with in similar circumstances.
- Reframe your fear. Saying ‘I’m excited about…’ instead of ‘I am nervous’ has proven to optimize performance.
- You might help your counterpart by taking the initiative. It’s like asking a question in class. No one understood what the teacher explained, but nobody was brave enough to ask for clarification.
- Empathy for people you don’t know. There is less judgment if you expect all your opposites to have similar insecurities, fears and challenges.
There are no downsides to this approach for starting a conversation and meeting new people. You won’t always end up with the desired result, but the process of building new relationships becomes easier and more rewarding.
