We Are All Control Freaks
When did parents become micromanagers?
Have you seen the new Japanese reality show, Old Enough (Netflix)? The series tasks very small children (as young as two) with seemingly impossible errands that involve navigating busy routes, purchasing multiple items, and even creating culinary delights. Western media is in a frenzy over the series, which appears to allow a scary amount of independence at a young age and surely sets children up for failure.
As parents, we watch the show nervously with several concerns for the safety of these little guinea pigs. Do the children know the cameramen are there? Who will protect them if something goes wrong? But our trepidation soon turns to sheer admiration as we watch the little ones bravely complete their tasks to the delight of their parents.
These very young children don’t need micromanagement to understand the bulk of what they need to accomplish. They may not do things perfectly, immediately, or without distraction, but they do come pretty darn close. It’s amazing, isn’t it? Or have we just dumbed down our own children?
I thought about this the other day as my child cycled off into the park with his Scandinavian friend. I panicked as the friend’s mother casually sipped her coffee and said, “What could they get up to? We are only one minute behind them, can still see them, and know that there is nowhere they can really go as the park is fenced in.” She was right and we soon caught up to them, happily chatting as they looked at the ducks by the pond.
We fear the worst for our children, which tends to mean that we feel compelled to intervene in everything. Supervised playdates, structured activities after school, and even academic tutors when children don’t even need them are ways to help us feel in control of their success and safety. This likely backfires in the end, as our children fail to build confidence and resilience by struggling through something on their own. If we think about it, it’s fairly difficult to exercise any creativity with helicopter parents constantly getting involved in playtime.
Perhaps our desire to control our children is a reflection of our own lack of discipline as adults? Is our inability to prioritise health and mindfulness, limit our own screentime, and master activities ourselves a driving force here? Thinking back, we were once those children who were able to ride our bicycles freely and explore without constant management. We acquired various skills including diplomacy and creativity through play, not “playdates.” Just a thought.
