A Retrospective
As we come to the close, I find myself slowing down in contrast to the hectic lifestyle that I’ve been leading these last few weeks (which sounds strange to say, considering I’ve spent these last few weeks in the same place). Through this deceleration, I wanted to take this entry (last entry, perhaps?) to look back on the journey that these last few semesters have been.
At the beginning of capstone, I truly had no idea what I wanted to do. I guess I just hadn’t really considered it prior to then in any tangible way, possibly because it just didn’t seem possible that the reality that I had come to know over the past five years was going to be coming to a close so quickly. The friends that I have made, the memories I have collected, even the harsh lights of DAAP had so quickly become a new normal to me that the idea of all that coming to a close seemed absurd. So as the iterative brainstorming process began, it was really from ground zero — it forced me to really look at what fascinates me in life, and how to derive the purest form of expression to both represent five years of design education while also speaking from an authentic place of my own heart and design spirit. Fortunately, my peers and professors lead me to a place that I am proud of. I had to overcome a downfall of my tendencies, which is to be an ideas person — to narrow in on one idea to center a project around for an entire year is a difficult thing to do for me, but I had the company to allow that choice to be made with thorough consideration. All these months later, and although nothing is ending in the way I initially imagined, the community I feel with all of my peers is still strong, still steadfast.
Although I feel joy at the ending of this painful period, I know that I will miss everything about it in retrospect. The good, the bad, all of it together has allowed me to grow as a designer, as a person, in ways I could have only dreamed of. I am more open to change now than ever, and I have a strong desire to be better, to hear more stories, to always learn, than I ever did in the fall of 2015. And I have my friends, my professors, my co-workers over the years, to thank. I would not change a single thing about these five years. And I hope to maintain the friends I have come to know and love, because at the end of the day they are what made this experience what it was.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about purpose since we spoke with Cole on Zoom and that single word that encompasses it — I have in the past (and still some to this day) conflated ideas, clouding them from being as clear as they could be. And I think that after really getting down to it, my purpose is to listen. More specifically, to make people feel heard. Whether that is through brands that speak to the human spirit, music creation to make someone feel that their experience is represented — to listen is to be empathetic, to put others before the dialogue or experience of oneself, and this is the direction I hope to grow in for the rest of my life. I realize looking back how much I used to be a slave to my ego, through my late teens in particular, and I know that this is a battle that never ends — everything in cycles. But I have come such a far way, learning from so many peers and leaders in ways that are invaluable. And I am proud of myself for that, but will always hold myself accountable for never getting comfortable. Never saying ‘good enough.’ And to come out of these five years with a clearer vision of this, well, it’s all that I could ever ask for and more.
