Learning about 1:1s — chats, coaching and feedback

In the last few weeks, I explored and wrote about 1:1 conversations:

I’ve set up my Calendly again some weeks ago, and now I drop it everywhere I can. I feel mesmerized by the goal of a chat to learn what people are working on and how they are doing it.

This “weeks” objective: learn more about 1:1s

I had a few chats and have a few more lined up: with members of the Female Founder School, some more with mates from my Digital Shapers team, a non recruiting chat with a recruiter, a non investing one with an investor, a few with business developers, coaches, mentors and a couple more 1:1s with my team at work… Along with a few user interviews, that are a great way to get a good chat on a specific topic, so I sign up for those whenever I can!

Why do I like such conversations?
These types of conversations are often more focused*, their nature requests a goal in mind and they promote curiosity and asking questions, thus providing a space to explore a topic, an aspect of the relationship or an element of how we work. I try to navigate the conversations to touch upon points that are there but not always seen or accessed. I try to make it worth our time.

What for:
They often help me learn or give me the energy to explore ideas, concepts, knowledge further. I feel empowered, and get out of there motivated and hopefully offer a similar experience to the other person. I feel some of it happens naturally, however, I like guiding the conversation with these in mind to make it even more useful for both parties involved.

- What’s the one next thing to work on (each),
- get to know one issue they are facing and how they are working on it
- a pearl of wisdom or/and piece of advice.

What to do better:
I want to research some more about the tools and tips on how to run such conversations effectively. I often prepare but rarely organize notes after such calls — so there is that.

To dos and to don’t dos.

Before:
1. Prep meeting and prep myself, come up with questions I want to ask, and questions they might ask (to imagine a possible answer). This preparation looks different based on the type of relationship and reason for call: sometimes by relaxing or focusing, other times by researching: people, companies or topics.
2. What is the goal of the conversation?
3. Prepare an agenda.
4. If applicable, send agenda/prep documents before.

During:
1. Create a connection, making the human-me relate to their human and vice-versa. One can incentivise this by opening up, sharing something, and listening carefully for these connection hints. “You bike too?”, ”Look at the weather out of my window.”, “This is where I am from.”
2. Time. I seem to work in increments of 30 minutes. Different kinds of meetings last different amounts of time. I am mindful of time (but generally open to longer meetings), and remind my partner the time that has passed in case they need to go somewhere (or an easy segway to concluding the call).
3. Taking notes. Points that are relevant to my own experience, and things that seem interesting in terms of the other person.
4. Make it relevant. I go in with 2 aims these days:
— for me: what’s your piece of advice? What’s a task, or knowledge to help me walk the path towards my goal.
— for them: what can I help you with? Is there something I can help you think through? Can sharing my experience be relevant?

After:
1. Write some thoughts down
2. Review the notes
3. Put action points into my plans
4. Catch up:
— Write a thank you email, send relevant links, a sum up.
— Plan a catchup in the future: when next do I want to check in on the person, their progress and project, do I want to share mine and when. Add to calendar.

Hmmmmm.
I came up with this once: every event, to get the most out of it, needs an amount equal to itself of prep, and one more for processing. I will probably never live by this rule, but I do think there is some truth to it. By preparing and processing, the present can feel much fuller and be more productive.

How has it worked out?

Pretty good.
I want to make it part of my weekly routine, reach out to something like 2–3 people.

One thing I want to be more aware of is to not only have a goal or interest in mind, but almost develop a personal framework for meetings. And as a step further a way to share some of these little pearls of wisdom or knowledge, maybe in an interview format. Let’s see.

Pros
It’s so awesome to interact with people who are interested, motivated, passionate, trying to solve things, working on something. It’s other humans as well, going through stuff, figuring it out. Some I’ve worked with for months, got to know: it’s good to take a time to connect in a different way. Some are new, working on things I know a lot about, and some I know nothing and then it’s amazing to reach out and create this random network of inspiration.

Cons
Well, most importantly it’s energy intensive, and it needs a specific time when both people are available. But fruits and the rewards are worth it for now.
I also think it’s important to take days off, and time off, while also feeling excited about the upcoming commitments. If one isn’t, it’s probably time to take a break or revisit something about how and when these conversations are happening (and if at all).

Hitchhiking to one’s goal
I used to hitchhike a lot, and rides and people were differently interesting or relevant, but one thing that it taught me for sure, is how to lead a conversation so that I can feel engaged and really invested. I think this skill has served me well here too. The goals of having an interesting call and leave better off than when we started, is a really good push to make it worth our time, to keep the energy from leaking and relevant and focused*.

Who for?
* one of my calls was with focused, who are creating 1:1 experiences with people to help them stay focused. It was an interesting situation because it wasn’t a two-way conversation, but it was about me and me staying focused, but with another person there, checking on me.

Which asks the question of who benefits from a call. I often mention the benefit for both, but there are some formats that are tilted one way more than the other. Mentorship perhaps, user interviews… But then when I do user interviews that are supposedly benefiting the company or whoever is creating whatever they are interviewing for, I find them really interesting and beneficial, because I get to think through something that is usually relevant to my work or interests and see how they think about it as well.

Which brings me back to the goal or agenda in mind, and asking the other, even in a tilted situation, “what do you want to get from this call”, and thus then making sure both parties benefit as much as possible.

So, once again what for?
Clarity, presence of mind, list of things to work on along with motivation, feeling engaged and empowered.

Let’s go!

☎️💬 Want to chat?

Some more links:
- 🌍 2020enterpreneur website,
- 💰 gimme Patreon.com or Paypal,
- 🎁 submit an 2020enterpreneur project idea here,
- ☎️💬 Could really do some with some chatting?