Wasted

Fear is a waste.

worthless.

defective.

no use.

Borderline foolish.

Yet, we give so much of our attention and time to fear. We cultivate “fear grounds” by ignoring our instincts, ignoring our brilliance and adding fuel to the “fear fire” via inaction and “what if’s”.

I think of all the time wasted on creating fictitious outcomes and worrying about what may never come to fruition.

This past weekend my friend hosted a bonfire in SF. In addition to the beautiful manifestations of black joy and the beauty of diversity, one of the most freeing moments was in the form a healing circle. We had a moment where we wrote on a piece of paper the things we wanted to release and let go of — we then we proceed to throw it in a burning fire.

I realized it was time.

I decided it was time to be truly intentional with my life and let go of my annoying friend FEAR. I call it my friend because we’ve been BFF’s for way too long. I’ve made space for fear, prioritized it, justified its presence in my life and contributed my precious energy to its growth and development.

With every conversation I’ve talked myself out of asking for help, meeting my visions with welcoming arms and manifesting my authentic self — fear got the last bite.

Some may be reading this and go you — fearful?

I mean to be clear I like to think of myself as selectively fearful. You don’t just wake up and move to the other side of the country with no family or friends. You don’t just enter into spaces where you’ve never seen reflections of what consistent success looks like for a black woman but continue to design it. You don’t just give yourself a crash course on mortgages at 17 to avoid your parents home getting foreclosed.

I won’t discount my courage in so many areas of my life but I think it’s time to trade my selective fear for consistent courage.

sayonara.

I’m creative, expressive and have always had this desire to write but I’ve often avoided it.

Here’s the thing — you can’t get better at something if you never do it.

Here I am writing.

I’m going to write a post every day until 8.21 (my 26th b-day *inserts milly rock .gif).

New months and birthday’s have this way of reminding you that this precious resource of life is finite.

I’m doing this for me but I’m a giving person so I thought you may want to join me on this journey. I may write about tech one day, business strategy on another, my faith or adulting musings but I’m going to write.

Deuces fear.

Here I am hitting publish.

Objects in the mirror are closer than you think and you know what I’m closer to courage than I thought.

[publish]