Movie Reviews

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Movie reviews of films that haven’t been made yet

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Some of you may have read my movie review of Michael Palindrome’s Lo-Fellas, starring Paul Gonzalez and Malky Logan.

The film is a crime-comedy caper about two old Glaswegian men down on their luck who decide to start robbing the city's down and outs.

Have you seen it?

Unlikely.

There’s no such movie. I made it up.

When I was a kid, I used to write imaginary reviews for movies that I thought I might make when I was older.

They were mostly absurd sci-fi flicks set on a distant planet. Probably like Star Wars or The Black Hole or Aliens. Or generic remakes of comedies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, or, Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

So the other day, frustrated by writing dreary memoirs or banal short stories, I started writing a fictional review of a film set in Glasgow about two old guys down on their luck.

I had the title in my head, Lo-Fellas, after the Scorsese movie, Goodfellas, but wasn’t sure where it was going.

I figured it didn’t matter. It was a review of a movie that didn’t exist, so I let my mind wander. In many ways, it was…