The Courage to be Disliked: 3 bits on telling the stories that help us dance
Coming out of this book — I feel like Freud has a lot to answer for.
This is an incredible book lays out Alder’s theory of psychology under the guise of an unhelpful pop-psyche title. It crumbles the core ideas which society teaches you about yourself into the story of two people sitting in a room together talking about life.
What are my three bits?
- We are our stories
One of our most dangerous beliefs is that our past determines our future. Our history is nothing more or less than the stories we tell ourselves. So, if you can see your stories, you can choose to change them — it's in your power.
2. Not everyone will like you — get over it.
Those who care what others think are stuck in a game of prioritising people. Yet, the way the world actually works is that everyone has different things to offer. Sometimes you don’t offer what people are looking for, but if you care about what they want more than what you want — you are basically always going to lose.
3. Life’s a dance
Think of life as a dance. When you dance with a partner, you may end up somewhere different than where you started, but moving from Point A to Point B isn’t the goal. Dancing is the goal. For Adler, life is the same. If you focus your entire life on accomplishing a specific goal but fall short, you’ll end up feeling meaningless. Focus on the journey, not the destination. You can’t control the past or the future, only the present, so embrace it, enjoy it, and live mindfully and aware.
