Waiter Buffering…
Starving in the middle of a bunch of food
Recently I went out to eat and had the version of a waiter which I can only describe as a ‘video buffering’. We have been there before, though, where you walk into a restaurant, been seated, and then ignored.
We get seated and then we wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And then I began to understand the helplessness Tom Hank’s character Chuck Noland must have felt in “Castaway.”
Need water…and food. Is anyone ever going to know we are here? So hungry… HELP!
This is usually when I try the awkward arm raise when you see a server in the area. This is only awkward though when they see you, and you know they see you, and they know you know they saw you, yet, you are ignored.
Panic started to set in and in my hungry and weakened state of waiting for food, I think, “…god, I’ll just say ‘Beetlejuice’ three time in hopes SOMEONE will show up to acknowledge us.”
Then I realized how silly that is and that the only option available to getting a server to my table is to shoot a flare gun. Just when I was about to go to the car and get the flare gun (yes… I have one), the server appears.
“Hi, what can I get for you?”
I gratefully then give the order to which the server says, “Okay, be right back”.
And he wasn’t right back…
and it seemed he disappeared.
Which meant the next logical step was to issue an Amber Alert.
Missing waiter last seen wearing a long sleeve white shirt, black pants and, oh yes, has JULIE’S ORDER!
I just want my water at least..water!
Now I know how Chuck Noland felt..God, I’m such a survivor.
I stood up to look around for him to no avail and thought, really? I’ve been ghosted by a waiter?!?! Servers kept flying by us and my awkward attempt to stop them by half reaching out and saying “Miss!” “Sir!” is ignored.
Why won’t anyone stop for us?
And then I came up with a plan, I’ll just throw some spike strips like they do in high speed chases in front of the next server that goes flying past us. Not really, but wouldn’t that be kind of great?
Well, you don’t want to hurt anyone so it’s back to the flare gun idea (yes…I have one).
And just when I thought I might need to go get it, here he comes. The Prodigal Waiter. As he sets the water down for us he says, “Food should be right out. I’m sorry about your wait.”
I muttered, “What exactly is wrong with my weight? Jerk!”
I am starrrrving, and then all is forgiven as I see him coming at us with a tray of hot, delicious food aaaaand,
nope…
not us.
Next table…what a tease he is.
I put my head in my hands mostly because now I have a headache and I hear a voice say, “How did everything taste?”
“Oh! You mean this lovely glass of tap water? Well, let me tell you…”
After I explained, he apologized and offered to comp the entire meal. I’m assuming this is based on the assumption we will get our meals. Just as he leaves, the waiter appears and gives us our plates and they are…wrong.
At this point I’m ready for a serving of Jim Jones’ Kool Aid. We decided to eat, because it may be our only chance and…our server comes back with our check.
I explain what the manager said and he apologized before he walked off. He then came back and says, “ I can’t find him anywhere. Have you seen him? I don’t know what to do!”
Well, I have a flare gun if you need it …
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