Day 21: Maybe I just think too much
I feel like I haven’t slept in years. Or maybe I am still sleeping. That feeling when you feel empty in the middle of a full and loud square, not remembering anything, just trying to understand what is happening around you.
It’s been eight years since the last time I really disconnected. I mean, disconnected from the internet at least for a week. Not being online, on the phone, available to coworkers, colleagues, friends and family.
I love exploring life, reading all sorts of philosophical, technological, sociological essays. I love exploring in general. I was always a curious kid. Shy, but curious. I’ve always wanted to know the ways of life, why things are the way they are, why do we do what we do, I wanted to understand people, society, humanity, the universe.
In the last years I’m exploring my inner universe. After all the years of work, jobs and different experience something inside me blurred with life that perhaps I didn’t want as a kid. I wanted to travel, explore, I love photography, wilderness, animals, foreign cultures, my go to magazine was National Geographic… I feel like it’s all work now. Freelancing is a cool lifestyle, but your life becomes a subset of scheduled free time in your freelance calendar. Free? Not so sure anymore.
I need a change. I’ve talked to my friends about that. They say I gotta make a choice. The problem, it seems, I don’t know the options. Looks like I’m interested in everything and nothing. I like a lot of stuff and I’ve grown to despise a lot of BS that is going on in my line of work. I just know I need… To breathe, rest, sleep, go away, smile more, swim more, fly more…
I’ve always had a strong intuition. I knew what I liked, I was drawn to good, kind, honest and interesting people. Recent years changed me. It all became sort of covered with a veil of everything that’s going on in the world. Social media gave us freedom to speak our minds, but it also occupied our minds so damn much that we sometimes need to completely disconnect just to feel again, sense life again, live like normal human beings.
Maybe I just think too much. Or maybe this is how burnout feels like. It scares me a bit. On one hand I search for challenges that match my skills. On the other, I’m looking for an escape route to go off the grid.
Maybe writing is my escape. Or it will become. I remain optimist. Thank god I’m an optimist.
Maybe I’ll read this again in a few months and laugh at it. Or realize I’ve done nothing to change and start something… new, exciting.
Hugs and kisses :*
This post is a part of my 30 Days Writing Challenge. Wanna join me? ;)
