ARE SANTA AND HIS REINDEER A SECRET INSPIRATION FOR MODERN HOMES AND TECH?
Tom Trimbath
The real world is catching up to Santa. Finally, houses that make sense for him. What’s he going to do stay ahead, or has he been leading the way all along?
The iconic image of Santa and his workshop, a log cabin or a gingerbread house, smoke rising from the chimney, thick snow all around, maybe some reindeer standing outside with breath you can see and hooves you can hear stomping the snow. For centuries, kids wondered how he managed to make it to all the houses, and handle all the toys from a sleigh pulled by reindeer. It’s becoming obvious. All along he has been a very modern Santa and one that appreciates modern homes.
Start with the obvious. The landing.
Until recently, he and the reindeer have practiced hard at perching themselves on a bunch of hooves and a pair of runners on snow-covered steeply pitched roofs. Skill, talent, or some awesome balancing tech that is only now showing up in Segways, BB robot units, and delivery drones. Finally, flat roofs are becoming more common. The reindeer get to rest. Imagine how hard it was for them to stand on a slope while Santa and the toys maneuvered through the chimney.
Another obvious thing. The reindeer.
They’ve always been magical, but any sufficiently advanced technology is often mistaken as magic. They’ve been genetically altered to fly the billions of miles necessary. Somewhere in their DNA are splices from hummingbirds and giant eagles. That’s also why they only leave footprints and memories, not something that needs to be cleaned up. By the way, they are big fans of living roofs. Snacks!
It almost goes without saying that Rudolph’s nose is an awesome LED, red, of course. Earlier versions probably burnt out too quickly or overheated. Populations were smaller then, so the shorter lifespan of the red nose leading the way didn’t matter as much.
Navigation.
Did Google really develop maps and did the DoD really develop GPS, or did Santa do that so long ago out of necessity, and funds his toy workshop with the licensing proceeds? Check the terms and conditions, which were probably written by elven lawyers, very crafty they are. Don’t be surprised to find that the elves were the inventors of stealth tech. How else would you hide a big, jolly man in a bright red outfit flying in a sleigh behind a small herd of reindeer led by a bright red beacon? That coat is probably a big invisibility cloak.
Into the bag, toys, and gifts.
Each year there are more to deliver, which may be why miniaturization was a natural development. First, there were real drum sets, then console stereos, then boomboxes, then Walkman, then iPods. Now, streaming. Gift cards take up hardly any room. The same is true for toys from real horses, to ponies, to my little pony, to Farmville. Stream those gifts! Wireless charging is one way to get around having to deliver billions of AA batteries.
He’s making a list and checking it twice…
We’ll leave it to the conspiracy theorists to delve into;
“He sees you when you’re sleepin’
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good”
but it doesn’t take much imagination to draw a connection to Alexa, Siri, Cortana, and a variety of other electronic assistants (really just more elves at work.) By the way, that’s also why smart houses aren’t an issue. His helpers make it much easier for him to gain access.
Walls of windows make it so much easier for the more straightforward tackling of that task. All the more reason to decorate nicely. Those lights aren’t just for the neighbor’s enjoyment.
Always ahead of the game, Santa’s great big bundle of joy is that virtual reality is becoming more popular and pervasive. Hand out some goggles one year and deliver entire worlds the next.
There are still mysteries to the holidays.
Does Santa use nano-tech to get down those tiny gas fireplace chimneys? Does Rudolph stop off at charging stations? Maybe the Amundsen–Scott South Pole Station isn’t really a U.S. scientific research station. Maybe all along that’s been just a bit of misdirection, a little bit of pure magic.
