Getting rejected the fifth time around isn’t all that bad. Well, other than having a 0% success rate. I’ve come to develop a tolerance for rejection, so to speak. That’s why it only took me about 5 minutes to get over her once she said “no”.
But what’s interested is what happened the day after I had been rejected. It wasn’t her that I was missing, but rather the role she played. An infatuation, probably, but more importantly that person in your life whom you put before yourself. That person who’s not yet family.
The Greek really had a better understanding of the word “love”. Unlike the English language, which jumbles all types of love into a single word, “love”, there’s a clear distinction between the loves in Greek. As a quick summary, Agape is simply selfless love, Eros is sexual desire, Philia is friendship, and Storge is familial affection.
I’m looking for selfless love. A relationship in which both sides truly put the other before themselves. But I’ve gotten the wrong audience, since you know, teenagers.
That’s how I felt about girl #5. Selfless. I wanted to put her before myself, help her, and in return, for her to help me back. I wanted a shoulder, a person — a friend. And before I had confessed my love to her, I had behaved with as much Agape as I could have.
Because after getting rejected, I was sorely missing that somebody to love. She had said no, I had realized “fine”, but then that place in my heart had suddenly become a void.
My heart didn’t necessarily want her, it had wanted someone to care for. Someone to expend its energy for. And for whatever reasons, caring for someone else makes you happy.
I no longer have someone to care for, at least for the time being. No more dopamine is being released as a result of helping a loved one. And that got me feeling bad, and that’s good, because now I know why I was feeling bad. It’s because life’s purpose is to live for someone else.
What if money were no problem? What would I do then? I see myself living for someone else. Loving someone else. Waking up to see someone else. Spending time with someone else. Having fun with someone else. So why not do that now?
It’s been 2 days, and I’m fine now. I’ve got a pretty big smile on my face. I’m not at all concerned about love, but I’m still searching. It does seem I’ve taken off some weights, whatever weights they may be. Life’s more carefree now. And really, it’s not that bad.
Nevertheless, can anybody find me somebody to love?
