3rd day after Christmas…
Unlike the past, I chose to spend my year-end holiday alone this year. What I’d like to call an Intentional Solitary.
Despite the pace she needs to cope after giving birth to Grace, my wife insisted that I need to take a short break before laying my hands on the keyboard for another line of code. 130KM away from my family, Final Fantasy XV and array movies are now the best companions for this holiday.
Before I managed to finish the last chapter of FFXV, a warfare took place for another round of growth hack on my spiritual journey. So reckless of me didn’t notice the tide was rising even before the holiday begun.
“This is not your place kiddo, back off or feel the wrath!”, The Leviathan finally show himself and make some noise.
What really happened? I still don’t quite get the whole picture. Maybe I just don’t bother to dig any further.
Long story short. I need to change my plan. Like immediately.
As much as I would like to tell you how excited I was to quit my job to pursue my dream, I’m now forced to make a drastic change in this plan. By that I mean a sharp turn.
What now?
I need to secure a job like right now. I need to go back to the 14-hour routine―9 hours for a day job, 5 hours running my startup. My pursuit had provoked so many concerns around my closest proximity. So serious that I can hear the Tsunami alarm repeating within my ears. Such concerns caught me off guard.
“Drink the kool-aid”, the reality suggested.
“Shit, I’m so screwed this time!”, the inner me whispers. None of the aforementioned funs matter anymore. I left my Chocobo stood still on the green pasture, Noctis had no idea what’s his next move. Summon Shiva or no?
That moment, I was desperate for an answer. I couldn’t accept something that I have planned for months and now I have to let it go for the sake of others. NO! That’s my dream! I’ve already put in the work! Those countless hours that I’ve already invested, I won’t call it a day without a fight! “Give up”, found no such strings in my vocabulary.
99% of me got jammed, 1% left to seek for voices far from the heaven. I went back to my room. All that I can think of that very moment was to look for a bunker to calm myself down. Guard the tongue and withhold the rage. Almost automatically, I open my Bible and launch the ODB app on my iPhone.
“God, let’s have a Long Black”, I need a moment with Him.
28th December 2016.
“Locked Into Love” the title reads.
Romans 8:31–39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Paul, the author illustrated the struggles and sufferings the people had to go through during that timeline, for Whom they were loyal to. I definitely have no place to do a compare and contrast diagram saying that I have a greater struggle here. However, what captured my attention the most is what Paul wrote on the last paragraph:
V. 38-39For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
There is multitude of forces will try to separate us from God, but none of them will ever succeed. Have hope, in any circumstances. Hope will not disappoint us!
I’m now on the ODB article… I found my eyes keep on coming back to these lines:
The closest of friends may offend each other and never resolve their differences.Family members may argue and refuse to forgive. A husband and wife may drift so far apart that they can’t remember why they once decided to marry.
Human love can be fickle.
But there is one constant and enduring love — the love of God.
…we are locked into God’s love forever.
I’m locked into His love.
The obstacle that once trying to keep me from my passion and vision, it’s still there. Just like we know that human love is fickle, there are times things just beyond our control. There are moments, we need to tell ourselves if this…then that. I can’t blame for what’s happening to me, but I can have hope. The hope that my Source of Hope will open another door for me. I’m locked into His love.
If I need to go back to 14-hour routine for now, so be it.
If I need to step up, game time.
I’m back to reality.
I’m once back hustling.
Happy New Year.
Have hope, it won’t disappoint you. This I will always tell Grace.
— love from that father
