The Best Advice I Never Got
Eddie Murphy, Kyrie Irving, and what I learned along the way
Death gotta be easy ’cause life is hard, It’ll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred. — 50 Cent, Many Men
Life doesn’t have a manual. As such, there is no official guideline for what we have to do. Nobody can tell you what’s the best way to live. People can give you advice, but even then, they are extrapolating from their own personal experiences. And that’s the thing about life, it’s personal.
There are a lot of different religions. And there is a plethora of philosophies on the meaning of life. In reality, though, nobody really knows what a quote-unquote good “life” or a well-lived life should consist of. Nobody has any true idea of what we’re doing.
Of course, we all have our ideas. When we try to describe improving life, at its base, we examine the inputs. We talk about how to improve core elements and how they can raise happiness. We discuss the need to focus on things like diet, exercise, sleep and meditation.
“It will help you.” We proclaim. And in reality, it will. Every car benefits from frequent oil changes, regardless of the make and model. But beyond core health, beyond the basics, I believe, life is a free for all. People can tell you how to improve your life, but nobody can tell you how to really live it. They can’t tell you why to live it, who to live it for, or what it really means.
A sudden death round in super smash bro’s melee, life is a gamble. We are all looking for a perfect way to hit, without being hit.
In the truest form, all we know is what works for us. But, we don’t know for certain that what makes us feel good, will make others feel good. Conversely, we don’t know if what we’re doing is the most optimal thing we can do. In my estimation, we do our best and we hope it's enough. We tweak, mould, and hope we find our way through this life.
In reality, all men are sculptors, constantly chipping away the unwanted parts of their lives, trying to create their idea of their masterpiece.
— Eddie Murphy, High School Yearbook Quote
So what’s my advice? If we’re all imposters, all sculptors, what can we take with us to make us feel better? Honestly, I don’t know. But my best guess is that it might be something simple.
It could be as simple as saying, “Do you.”
Why? Because everybody has a different opinion anyway.
It may sound like a cop-out. But I also think it’s the only answer that makes sense. In a world full of different people, we have different outcomes. We look at the same situation in a wide variety of methods. And no matter what we do, somebody is going to call us wrong anyway.
Of course, we disagree. Otherwise, we’d all be the same.
We wouldn’t have a need for political discourse, different genres of music, or any difference in life’s fabric of what we deem as pleasing, correct or worthy. It’s the reason we have wars. It’s the reason we have art. Harmony is just an ideal, and in reality, we all have a different version.
All we have is our own approach and the lessons we derive from others. As such, I think life is about going off of our own feelings and choosing the path that provides internal ease.
As for what it means to be at “ease”, and the math required to achieve that word; well, that’s personal and it requires a calculus that only you can perform. While performing this arithmetic, I also think it’s good not to get persuaded by the approval of others. Nor is it good to take advice for the sake of fitting in.
“That’s another root of human struggle. Worrying about other people’s perceptions about who you are… I think I fell victim to that in my past of worrying about things that I can’t control.” — Kyrie Irving
Of course, I don’t mean that we should downright ignore other people. Rather, it’s good, but listen but listen with intent. Only make a change because it’s meaningful. Don’t make a change out of a fear of being wrong.
In reality, everybody’s opinion is different, and there’s no consensus. It’s not fun advice. But, maybe that’s the point. Maybe in the pursuit of finding your life’s manual, the best thing you can do is just listen.
Listen to the universe. Listen to your soul. Let it guide you. Take chances and let the risk give you leadership. Let it give you direction. Let it give you hope. Ultimately, there is no other way. There’s really only intuition and heart.
Truth be told, I don’t think this is easy. I think it’s hard to be true to yourself.
I think one of the hardest things we do as humans is to try and keep our intuition pure and to be truthful to what we originally intended. It’s more common to have our worldview invaded by what the world might think of us. But ultimately, take the red pill.
Be true to the game and the game will be true to you. Try listening to that little voice in your head as much as possible. Don’t let it get drowned and don’t let it get dismissed. Don’t let it get minimized.
A good friend of mine once told me, you know what you’re doing, you know the answer. Look within.
You’ll always find the truest guidance and hope. Ask your gut. It’s probably better to be misled by yourself and learn something than it is to blindly follow everybody else.
At least if you’re listening to yourself, you can retool and try again.
All in all, the only advice I try to follow is “Trust yourself.”
Or as Oscar Wilde said:
“Be yourself because everyone else is taken.” — Oscar Wilde
Life doesn’t have a manual. It’s something we create on our own. The tricky part is, that we can only write it as we live it.
If you’re reading this, I hope you’re having success with your manual. I hope if you’re struggling it gets easier. And if you get good advice, I hope you’ll pass it along.
After all, nobody has any idea what they’re doing.
One love.
If you found this interesting, you may like this piece I wrote about not knowing what you don’t know.
