Dear Boys Who Jump To Conclusions,
Hello! How are ya? I’m good — haven’t been doing much jumping lately but it seems you have. Personally, I only jump off diving boards but you seem to be interested in doing some jumping to conclusions and let me tell you, that’s not good.
I have this friend. Let’s call her Sally. Sally connected with this guy on Tinder and they went on a date. It was really fun. The next week, they went out again. I should mention that both dates were prompted by the boy. He asked her out both times. He initiated and so, as anyone might, Sally thought he liked her.
But something happened after the second date. They kept chatting and texting like normal and Sally thought, “gee, I’m free Thursday. Maybe he is too and we can get wings and beer!” So Sally texted her date and instead of the quick responses she was so accustomed to, the boy didn’t respond for another four hours. And his response?
I have fun with you but I’m not looking for anything serious.
I have a surprise for you, sir. Neither is Sally. But you wouldn’t know that because you just assumed that a girl wanting to hang out means she wants to date you exclusively and has already planned your wedding and 50th wedding anniversary party.
Instead of going out with her and casually bringing up “so what are you looking for?” you assumed that you knew what she wanted without actually asking her what she wanted.
Just because a girl shows interest in you, wants to spend time with you, and texts you first does not mean she thinks you are the love of her life. In fact, there’s a chance she doesn’t like you all that much but maybe wants someone to make out with, have sex with, and just hang with when she’s in the mood. Girls can and do have casual relationships. Girls can and do enjoy them. Girls, more often than not, are keeping their options open.
Let’s say for arguments sake that Sally did want a relationship with this man. How is she to think that he doesn’t either? He initiated both times! He made an effort — he made it clear he wanted to see her. She was reading the signals he was giving her and went with it. And, as a modern woman, thought that the pressure doesn’t have to be on him — she can initiate too! But she never got the chance to explain herself or offer up her thoughts on whether or not she wanted to date him.
Let’s say that Sally is looking to find a boyfriend. Just because she wanted to go out with you a third time doesn’t mean you’re the only person she’s dating. Sally knows better than to put all of her eggs into one basket. Sally’s picky. She’s not going to settle for just anyone and maybe she wanted one more date with him to decide if he was worth exploring more. Maybe they would have gone out again and Sally would have discovered that he likes Coldplay, showers twice a week, and doesn’t eat pizza. Maybe she would have discovered he’s a misogynist who wants a wife who stays home and cooks and cleans. Sally just wanted to make sure he was worth catching feelings for but he never gave her the chance to decide how she felt about him. He also denied himself a chance to get to know a really excellent girl.
The bottom line is this: don’t assume a girl is more interested in you than she really is. If you’re not sure, ask. Don’t assume she wants you to be her boyfriend because I hate to break it to you but you’re nothing special and there’s another guy around the corner. It takes a lot for a girl to want to settle down with a guy. It’s presumptuous and arrogant of you to assume every girl you meet is automatically smitten by you.
Grow up and communicate — don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t assume. Because when you assume you make an ass out of yourself and give girls perfect reasons to unmatch you on Tinder, block your number, and laugh about you with her friends over how dumb and presumptuous you are.
Understood?
Sincerely,
Girls Who Definitely Don’t Want To Marry You Or Date You After Two Dates
