Good luck being single for a loooooong time! — he said
By The Anonymous Nobody
You’re going to be single for a loooooong time — This is what my ‘gentleman-like suitor’ said to me after going on one, I repeat, ONE coffee date with me. He used six ‘o’s, in his text. He’s 34 years old.
Let me set the scene…
I met him on Shaadi.com — an online dating site for Indians. I’m not the most active user for the very reason of possibly going out with a douchebag like the one in this story I’m currently sharing. I decided to meet up with this guy, let’s call him TJ. This is also my first meetup with someone I met online.
The interaction began with him trying to FaceTime me on a Saturday morning, a half an hour after accepting his request on Shaadi.com, which he thought was totally normal. Red flag number one. Just so you know, the rest of this experience is one humongous red flag, so no need to point out the obvious from this point on.
“Don’t be so judgmental!” my family and friends tell me. Hence, why I agreed to go on a coffee date with TJ in the first place.
As soon as we sat down with our coffees, my misery began. This guy spent an hour and a half talking about himself. Oh wait, that’s a lie. He did ask me three questions which I will get into. He proceeds to tell me random shit about himself. How his 16th birthday party was awesome, so awesome that a brawl broke out. WTF??? Really?
Question #1
TJ: How many siblings do I have?
Me: Two.
Mic back to TJ. I try to insert conversation whenever I could. I told him how I’ve travelled a lot, lived in Korea for a year, you know, boring shit.
Question #2
TJ: Where do I live?
Me: Toronto.
Mic back to TJ. He told me he has a condo but lives with his parents. “It’s an investment” he says. Then out of nowhere, he barely finished his last words when blurting out “I’m divorced.” TJ goes on to explain that he was too young when he got married and it didn’t work out. Uhmm, he was 32 when he got married.
Question #3
TJ: What type of food do you like?
Me: Italian, Japanese, Indian, Mexican, Korean
TJ: OMG! Have you had Korean BBQ!?
Me: Yeah dumbass, I lived in Korea for a year! — this is what I wanted to say out loud but said it in my head instead.
At this point, I’m officially done with this date.
I tried to wrap up as quickly as I could. We walked to our cars and said our byes. No hug, no I’ll call you, nothing. SWEET, I thought. He probably saw I wasn’t into him and his behaviour gave me the impression that he wasn’t interested in a second date either.
Boy was I wrong. Really wrong. I woke the big bad wolf.
Below is the word for word exchange of text messages that went down, the day after our coffee date.
TJ: Hey how are ya?
[After two hours of not responding]
TJ: If ur not interested u shd just let me know instead of ignoring that would be the mature thing to do
Me: Hey. Sorry. I was busy with family last night and then was running around this morning. Just sat down in the car for my mom to drop me off at the subway. However, I believe there to be no connection so I don’t want to waste your time. Good luck with everything.
TJ: Same u just seemed dull. Take care
[I couldn’t just let that slide.]
Me: That’s real mature. I think you would have seen a different side of me if you had stopped talking about yourself for one second. All the best.
TJ: lol u were boring.
TJ: Sorry
TJ: Good luck being single for a loooooong time!
TJ: Plz don’t write me a paragraph
TJ: Bcuz I’m playing golf
TJ: N my friends r gonna read it
Me: It’s okay, I know your ego is hurt and that’s the reason you are taking it out on me.
TJ: lol ur jkz bye bye
Me: Bye
Three months pass. THREE MONTHS!!! I’m enjoying a night out with my friends at the cottage and guess who drops me a line and a couple of missed calls? The big bad wolf.
TJ: Hey, how are you. We got off on the wrong track bcuz I talk to much.
TJ: ???
[Missed call]
TJ: Sorry. I cleared up N ready to talk as a mature person.
TJ: U there?
[Missed call]
My actions: Block and delete.
