Want To Be Recognized

We all have this place. Our 5 year old self wants to be recognized, seen, approved of, liked, and appreciated. So does your best friend, business partner, and dog.

I don’t use “5 year old self” to mean that wanting recognition is bad or childish, only because it’s at a very young age that the desire to be seen develops in us.

And if we never gain awareness on how we’re acting on this desire, all sorts of problems can occur within our businesses and professional relationships.

I imperfectly hold myself to these two standards:

1. I’ve found the best way to work with my desire to be recognized is to completely give up acting on it. Instead I turn the job of “recognizing me” over to other people. They will or they won’t. I don’t interfere. The reason I’ve made a habit of letting go of acting on being recognized is because this desire can lead to a number of ugly results. If I feel un-seen, I can turn into a dictator — manipulating others into recognizing me and punishing them when they don’t. That’s a first class ticket to destroying relationships. Or I might hide in my hole forever, wondering what’s wrong with me as I isolate myself further and further. And if I feel adequately seen, I can become boastful and arrogant — which really just mean I’m afraid to lose support.

2. Instead, I make a point of recognizing others as often as I can. I try to focus on others. I do my best to create a culture around me where everyone feels seen. I do this because it’s a joy to recognize others, and because it might inspire them to recognize those around them. In this community approach the problem gets solved without the need for me to control other people.

A final note with regards to marginalized communities who’s voices are systematically shut down and who’s faces are ignored by the main stream. It’s especially important we turn our efforts to seeing and publicly recognizing them. Expanding our awareness and taking action in this way creates a big positive impact.