My Story isn’t Over
Oct. 6, 2017, my story nearly ended
***Warning: The following post discusses suicide***
I’m exactly two weeks away from turning 40 and exactly three years removed from a moment that would have made seeing this milestone birthday impossible.
At around lunch time on Friday, October 6, 2017, I nearly took my own life.
I just took a moment to let that sentence sink in. I’m shaking a little and my face is twitching a bit. Reliving that experience is proving to be more difficult than I originally imagined when I decided this would be what I’d write about today.
It might be for the best if I keep this short. Partly because it’s a struggle to put words on the page and partly because I don’t think sharing the details of that moment are helpful to anyone.
Instead, I’ll focus on expressing my gratitude for all those who were there for me.
Loved ones saved me in that moment. First it was a timely, simple text message from my significant other that read, “Want to do something tonight?” Thank you, Erin. Without it, there’s a chance I wouldn’t have been able to do anything that night or any night after.
Loved ones, and professionals who cared about me saved in the moments after. Thank you to my friend and colleague who answered the call when I urgently needed someone to answer the phone. She helped manage the added anxiety of trying to figure out what happens next back at the office.
Thank you to my therapist for racing to her office to see me when I needed her most. I am forever grateful to her, not only for what she did in that moment but also for the work we did together to help me manage my anxiety for the weeks, months and years that followed.
And I wouldn’t have been able to have the time I needed to focus on my mental health if I didn’t work for such a caring organization. They gave me the time, the space and the resources I needed.
Lastly, thank you to everyone I’ve shared this story with over the last three years. You didn’t judge me. You didn’t ask way too many questions. You didn’t blame this on anyone.
I remember a time when blame and shame felt like the common consequences of talking about mental health issues. Fortunately, I don’t feel like that was an issue for me during this chapter of my life. But I know that this is not the case for everyone. I know a stigma still exists around mental health.
Just look at what happened when Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott so bravely opened up last month about his battle with anxiety and depression. In response to this news, a person who gets paid to say horrible things on TV said a horrible thing on TV, saying “I don’t have sympathy for him…”
While this episode was upsetting, it was not at all shocking. But what was heartening from this moment was the overwhelming support Dak received following the words from that other guy.
We aren’t there yet, but we’re getting closer to living in a society that no longer stigmatizes struggles with mental health. So many of us, 40 million Americans, suffer from anxiety disorders. And 16.2 million adults in the United States have had at least one major depressive episode in a given year.
It’s part of who we are. It’s part of our stories.
My story isn’t over. And I’m proud to be here to share my story with you. I’m also proud to support an organization I recently learned about that is committed to helping people share their stories and remove the stigma of mental health in This Is My Brave. You can support them too, if you’d like with my birthday fundraiser, which you can find here.
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 across the United States. Call 1-800–273–8255.
Tim Hammill is a communications professional in the nonprofit sector. He’s turning 40 on October 20, 2020. He’s writing about the final stretch to this milestone age in 40 Days to 40, a collection of stories, thoughts, reflections and whatever else comes to mind each day. In addition to writing a blog, Tim has also decided to donate his birthday to This Is My Brave, an organization he very recently learned about that brings stories of mental illness and addiction out of the shadows and into the spotlight. If you’d like to support Tim’s birthday fundraiser, go here.
Additionally, there are three other organizations that are close to Tim’s heart: Save the Children, Stand Up To Cancer and the Bridgeport YMCA. Click on each to learn more and to support their work.
