Ranking Ancient Greek Gods and Goddesses by Their Lovemaking Skills

11. Dionysus
This guy is the god of wine, festivals, madness, chaos, drunkenness, and ecstasy. In short, he not only knows how to party, he’s literally the god of partying. The problem for him is by the time all the fair maidens are looking for partners, Dionysus is passed out in a puddle of vomit in the middle of the Acropolis.

10. Artemis
Goddess of the virgins. Look it’s not like she didn’t have opportunities. There was that time behind the Stadium of Olympia bleachers where she got to second base with Hermes. We’re not saying it’s her fault, but the bottom line is she’s just inexperienced — she couldn’t find your Epidaurus if she tried.

9. Zeus
King of the gods, ruler of Mount Olympus. The god of the sky and weather, of thunder and lightning, of law and order. Doesn’t it seem like he’s trying to overcompensate? Rumor has it that he’s the god of thunder in name only.