Language is everything
How we communicate strongly impacts how we are perceived by others and also our own wellbeing. A while ago, I wrote a story about knowledge and body language, which mentioned the work of Dr Albert Mehrabian, related to listening, where the listener focusses on the following three types of communication:
- Actual words — 7%
- The way the words are delivered (tone, emphasis on words, etc) — 38%
- Facial expressions — 55%
Recently I have been thinking about how we choose to use language and how easy it is to fall into a pattern of using negative or passive aggressive language in our daily conversations.
Is your choice of words and use of language in everyday conversation helping or hindering you, how you are perceived and how you feel?
Let me give you an example — this morning while watching an interview on the news, the interviewee was questioned and responded with “Look, what I said is….”. This, combined with the tone of delivery came across as very aggressive, and really meaning “Don’t question my judgement…”
Another English language favourite of mine is “With all due respect” — having worked overseas I often had to explain the veiled meaning of this to non-native English speaking colleagues, much to their horror. It’s actually quite a disrespectful way of brushing aside other people’s ideas!
For those of you who have read some of my previous articles, you will know that I’m a fan of developing resilience in life, and I’ve observed that choice of words and language can have a massive impact on your personal wellbeing and other’s perception of you.
How often do you start a sentence with “I’m sorry…..”, for example “I’m sorry that I’m late”, or “I’m sorry, I have to leave”?
Restructure your language and choice of words to save your apologies for the times that they will really be needed and heartfelt and you will soon start to notice a difference. Taking a positive outlook, “I’m sorry that I’m late” could be restructured to “Thank you for waiting for me, I got held up”. Rather than apologising to the other person, you are thanking them for waiting, essentially the same but a much more positive, uplifting sentence.
Another favourite is the “yes, but…” — this is a basic acknowledgement, rapidly followed by a negative rebuttal, which sets the tone for a less positive conversation.
Reframing your response to “yes, and…” opens up the conversation and makes the person you are in conversation with feel more engaged. It will also leave you feeling more positive and energised.
Using “but” delivers a very negative, closing word, whereas using “and” instead acknowledges the situation and gives room to explore other options in a positive way. As an example, here are two identical conversations:
- Are you looking forward to Christmas? Yes, but I have my family visiting for a week!
- Are you looking forward to Christmas? Yes, and I have my family visiting for a week!
Use of “and” in this simple sentence has a profound impact on how the conversation is received, it invites a more positive, enquiring dialogue.
With practice and a conscious effort to alter your choice of words, you can have a really profound impact on your personal wellbeing, how you are perceived by others and your outlook on life.
Why not practice this over the holidays and start 2017 in a positive and energised way?
