What Keeps Me Motivated
Trying to keep your head up in today’s job market
I was recently asked to come up with a inspirational quote that I can turn to in times of struggle, but I constantly find that the one’s who inspire me the most tend to be the most self-depricating and ill-tempered of writers. The truth is that the world can be a very cruel place, so to try and sugar-coat what comes next with positivity and hope sometimes feels utterly pointless.
The quote I chose was by Charles Bukowski, who once wrote, “find what you love and let it kill you.”
The truth is that what keeps me motivated isn’t anything tangible. The French refer to it as “raison d’être,” which loosely translates to “reason for being” or “a sense of purpose,” and that is exactly how I have always felt about music. It is what I know. It is what I love. And it is a part of who I am. That is a major reason why you will almost never see me without a working pair of headphones nearby.
Granted… music is often a fantastic reprieve from reality. But, from an early age, my reality was music. My parents grew up during two completely different times in this country, so I naturally aquired an eclectic taste. My dad, a product of the ‘70s, introduced me to alternative rock, punk, new wave, and heavy metal. Meanwhile, my mom, who was a product of the hippy generation, introduced me to more classic rock musicians like Cream, Jefferson Airplane and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young (and I can’t forget to mention Bruce Springsteen too).
I was never very good at playing music, although I do recall my grandmother yelling at me in Hungarian after several attempts to teach me where to find “middle C” on the piano. I had an affinity for music and even my grandparents could see it. Gradually, they introduced me to classical music, from watching and re-watching Disney’s Fantasia on VHS, to listening to Italian opera like Verdi’s “La Traviata.” Everyone that has been a part of my life has had a major influence on my musical taste — whether they know it or not — including my closest friends, and even a few former bosses, editors , co-workers and colleagues.
Just to circle back to doing “what I love until it kills me,” I have heard of other people changing careers several times in their life, and for them it makes sense. I am not unwilling to change. After all, life is a series of compromises… but writing is something that comes naturally to me and it happens to be something I have become very passionate about over the last 6–7 years.
It is true that we don’t always find what we’re cut out for from the start. But to be perfectly honest, if I determined every aspect of my life by what other people think of me than I probably would have never pushed myself to become a journalist at all. Back in middle school, I tanked on the eighth-grade New York State English Language Arts exam and was put into remedial English. I was told my writing was not up to par with the rest of the class, but perhaps it was because I have always been creative. If I had let that exam tell me that I couldn’t write, it’s doubtful that my name would have ever been featured anywhere.
Life is about taking risk and sometimes that means struggling. Bukowski must’ve known that though.
While it may very well be time for me to look for something new or different, just to bring about some much-needed change, I cling to my faith that if I continue to show that I am willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears necessary to produce the calibur of work that I know I am capable of, someone is bound to take notice.
The only other thing I might add to what Bukowski says is that you should never limit yourself to only what people tell you. Push yourself. Keep pushing. Even when you get there, push, because “down is easy, up is hard.”
