What It’s Like Being a “Female Nerd”
“She likes Batman AND she got the booty?! She’s perfect!”
Gentlemen (and ladies) it’s time we take a step back and reevaluate our basis for “bae goals.”
It’s no secret that I have a Batman blog. Gotham-Knights is a little bat-oasis I created six years ago. Thanks to the resurgence of comics in pop-culture over the past several years, the site has reaped the rewards. Skyrocketing to 40,000 followers this year, Gotham-Knights is one of Tumblr’s most frequented niche places; a home for all things Batman related.
My life is one part comic books, two parts oxygen and water. I have a daily existence that is centered around reading ink-colored panels, sipping warm beverages from a Bat-Mug, and looking for new artists of the cape and cowl to feature on the blog. I know more about the Bat-Family (yeah, there is a family) than I do any subject I’ve ever taken in school.
Now, is it rare for a female be into comic books? No, of course not. Is it a man’s industry? Maybe, at its creative fronts, but millions of women purchase, participate, and subscribe to the “Big Bang Theory-esque” lifestyle like I have.
However, the minute, the second, I tell an equally nerdy male counterpart of my Bat-obsessions (not to mention my video game habits) they are drooling. By the look in their eyes I can see that they “want” me. It isn’t a sexual want; well it kind of is, but, the “want” is more for that of “completion.”
When they look at me, they think they have found someone who can accept them and the nerdy ways they have felt so guilty about in the company of other women. With me, they think they found someone who can understand what it’s like to love a fictional character with the unconditional love of a little boy in their heart. That I’ll be their Selina Kyle, Harleen Quinzel, or Pamela Isley in bed.
And, yes. Me, and all other female nerds, do accept that and do understand the symptoms of geek-hood. We get it, we are that ourselves. But, that doesn’t mean we are your soulmate. And for the guy who just asked me out last night because I knew who Jason Todd was, I will not eat dinner with you just because you’ve “never met a girl who knew that much about Batman!”
On a regular basis, when I go to conventions, do online interviews, answer follower questions, I get the statement: “you don’t look like the type of girl who’d be into this stuff.” I used to take that flatly, confused by what it meant. Now I get it.
They think I’m a “hot nerd.”
Alright? I appreciate it if someone calls me good looking, all men and women appreciate physical affirmation here and there. But… a “hot nerd?” I got to a point where I didn’t know whether to capitalize on that or just be offended that that was what my reputation, all the work and knowledge I’d built, had boiled down to.
I was seeing this guy a couple months ago who was into Batman like I was. I was bored one day (on a certain porcelain throne) and was looking on Instagram. I went to his profile to look at photos of a hiking trip with friends he was telling me about. While there, I couldn’t help but notice that he followed a lot of people, out of curiosity I wanted to see if we had any mutuals or if we followed the same celebrities. What I found was…interesting. He was following a bunch of girls, that all kind of looked like me, and all had some kind of Batman or comic book interest in their bio’s. When I went into some of these girl’s profiles (I hadn’t had a lot of fiber that week, ok?) I saw that he’d comment or like any pictures where they put up comic books or selfies in character t-shirts.
Now, I’m not crazy. People can follow whoever they want and like whatever pictures they want, even if I’m dating you and they are other girls. I’d do the same.
But, I wondered. “Was he just looking for a hot geeky girl this whole time?” So, the next time I saw him, I asked what he was initially looking for in a partner. To that he said: “Well, as long as they are into comic books and good looking they are perfect to me!” All while winking with his mug in hand.
Alright. I smirked, drank my coffee, and replied “So. Are you saying I’m that?” His response was something out of a scripted sitcom I couldn’t write better myself:
“Yeah! You’re the hottest nerd I’ve ever met!”
I never saw him after that. He meant well, he was naive, a nice guy, but, no, I couldn’t do that. I can barely do dating in general and I was no longer just going to be someone’s “Hot Nerd Girl.”
In conclusion, if you meet someone who likes the same things that you do, whether it’s comic books, obscure 80’s references, or “underground” punk bands, that doesn’t mean that you have to have them. (and it doesn’t mean they are going to sleep with you)
Love sucks, generally. The idea of finding someone just like you is nice, and actually possible. But, don’t treat similar interests like a commodity. There is a whole lot more to a relationship than that, and having a truly successful one is going to take more than finding your “Hot Nerd.”
And, to my fellow ladies, be your definition of hot. Own your nerdiness and do what you want with it, but for the love of some God, don’t date a guy because he says “he’s never met a girl like you.”
