Who’s afraid of the Unknown?
From a Snail’s journal
Nature has blessed me with a very sound sleep,
the only truly effective antidote is light. Dawn is my alarm, and when I open my eyes I never know what to expect.
It’s an exquisite moment, like opening a present with my name on it. Half asleep, I do not know exactly where I am, and it perks me up from my toes to the tips of my hair. This morning the scenery was white and smoky fog, wrapped around hills coloured with a beautiful green tending to blue. Quietness gets inside the retina and expands into the heart.
This van is the supreme grace! Being able to decide when to move and when to stop is simply the ecstasy of the soul, especially in this promised land called British Columbia.
However, sleeping in a van is not always fabulous: a few nights ago I was awakened by a disoriented Canadian who decided to come visit me with a flashlight shortly after I went to bed.
I feel shaken and I wake up. I see the flashlight and a guy handling the door. HEY! I blurt. “OH SORRY,” he says, “I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IF EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT” then he heads to his car. I hear him blathering from there, but I’m still half asleep. In the first place I think he might be a policeman or a guard: here parking is often forbidden at night. I’ve already been kicked away with a friend, a while ago, while sleeping near Victoria. I peek from a corner of my window: out there, a giant full moon is lighting all the situation, and he’s sitting in his car, busy with something. Probably he’s hiding the tool with which he wanted to break open my van. Just to be able to pretend good intentions.
I hear him saying, “ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU’RE HOMELESS AS WELL?” I reply, “No, I’m just a traveller, I’m leaving tomorrow!” He gets out of the car and approaches my window. “I’m … (name), I’m a trustworthy guy,” he whimpers. “I’ve ran away because they first took my house, then they tried to kill me with injections at the hospital, I’m out of gas, I don’t know what to do, if going back or what…” Puzzled, I answer, “I think you should go back, you would find someone that can help you.” “Do you really think so?”
“For sure!”
Pause.
This man is clearly unstable and now I’m 100% awake. I mentally localize the bear spray with which I sleep. He starts talking again, “I’m sorry to keep you up. Are you here by yourself?” “No, I’m with a friend, he lives there — I point the driveway a few meters from us — and actually I do need to sleep, tomorrow I wake up early “
At those words the guy takes leave, starts the engine and disappears beyond the hill. Luckily it was easy. I couldn’t see the plate number, but I immediately send a message to my friend — who was not just a smart invention— to warn him about the unwelcome visit. Everything is alright: I do not spoil my sleep, and enjoy cushion and sheepskin for 8 hours straight.
Now, someone could call me reckless, people call me brave very often, but it couldn’t be farther than this from my nature. I am a herbivore, not a predator: I am guarding and prudent. I don’t park in areas where there’s no phone signal, I don’t move until I can afford a full tank (sometimes, here, between a gas station and another there are 70–100km), I take note of the number plates, I carry the bear spray (an oversized pepper spray), I have two energy banks to make sure the phone won’t die. The question is different: from my point of view, freedom is the first human necessity and the opposite of freedom is FEAR. Fear has ruined my life in the past and I can not allow this to happen again.
Fear should be our friend, it reminds us to use prudence and it pushes us to react: it’s essential for survival. We were not made to be slaves of fear, it’s fear the one serving us.
However, I would not call myself brave: courageous is who remains, who is always present, who lives together 24 hours a day. It’s very easy to see our personal needs stamped on because of a constant and unavoidable proximity, it’s no coincidence that most of the traumas come from family life and partners. It takes a lot of courage to speak up for ourself and defend our boundaries, paying attention to other’s boundaries at the same time. Of course traveling requires less effort.
The misunderstanding about my courage is due to the common belief that the unknown is more scary than the “well-known” — the typical routine house/office/bar — because who knows what kind of dangers are hiding in that terra incognita… but in the unknown we can find the most wonderful surprises. And sometimes some inconveniences, like this visit from my nocturnal friend.
This morning I started driving around 5 am, I rather drive by dawn than by sunset: there’s less risk of hitting animals and no one blinds me from behind because I’m (unapologetically) slow.
What a life: deserted highway, celtic songs from the cassette player, fresh air, golden light and no constraints. Resizing my fear of the unknown was absolutely the best thing I’ve done. This sense of freedom allows me to bring a good cargo of positive energy, and my greatest goal is to motivate others to transform the fear of the unknown… in the prudence of the snail.
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