The Journey: Hard Lessons I Learned During My Life
1995
Put y’all shoes on, he on the way! My mom yelled from the bathroom.
I’m 8 years old, so going anywhere on the weekend is adventurous, and with my dad?! Oh yea, it’s about to be fun! I wonder if we’re going to the basketball court, or the mall. I’m the oldest so I put my shoes on first and help my two younger sisters with theirs. We got ready in less than 5 minutes! My dad rides us around town, we ride everywhere. We go to my grandma house, some lady who my dad calls his “lady friend,” and we go to the park. The last time my dad dropped us off he said he had a surprise for us the next time we come with him, so I’m REALLY excited! I asked my mom if we could wait outside for him. Of course she said no, as she always does. But its just too much to sit here and wait in the house, we want to see him pull up! Welllll can we just go outside and play? I asked her. You think you slick huh, she responded, didn’t I say you need to wait on him in the house? She always does this. You make me sick, I say under my breath because I don’t want the back of her hand to meet my lips. I get the back hand a lot, my momma say I got a slick mouth. I don’t really know what that means, I just be asking questions, but adults don’t like when you question them. My smile has turned into a frown and my mom finally says we can go wait on the porch. And don’t get in that dirt! My mom yelled, as all 3 of us ran to the door. Stay clean, I tell my younger sisters. Every car that passed, we held our breath. Is that him? My little sisters repeated nearly 100 times. So much time passed, the sun has now moved to the other side of the sky. It’s not dark, but it looks like it’s going to be soon. My mom came to the door and told us to come inside. We didn’t move. But our daddy is on the way my sister said. I’m not so sure about that now baby, y’all come in. Momma please 10 more minutes, I know he’s coming, I plead with her. 10 minutes, she says. 10 minutes went by so fast. We went inside, hesitantly. Take your shoes off and go wash your hands, my mom said. I have a big lump in my throat, I want to cry, but I don’t know why. My sisters look at me for answers. All 3 of us go in the bathroom together, close the door, and cry. Grown ups don’t supposed to tell fibs, my sister says as she weeps. Why didn’t daddy come? My youngest sister asked with tears in her eyes. I don’t know, but it’s ok. From now on we won’t get excited until he’s actually here.
The house phone rung, my mom looked at the caller ID and rolled her eyes. I knew it was him. A month later, and he’s just calling. I thought something bad had happened to him. The girls are…I snatched the phone from her hand before she could finish her sentence (surprisingly, she didn’t bop me.) Where were you? I shouted into the phone. Me and my sisters waited outside for you for a long time, my little sister was crying and everything! At first there was a dead silence, then he uttered the words that changed my life, I didn’t have any money, so I didn’t come.
2017
Babe the trash is full, can you take it out? I asked. Yes, give me a second, she said back while walking down the hall, I have to use the bathroom. 5 minutes passed. Who uses the bathroom for that long? You know what. I’ll do it. People make promises they don’t keep and I have to be the one to figure everything out! 5 more minutes pass and she came from the bathroom. Where is the trash, she asked. I thought you said it was full? It was, I took it out. I was gone for 10 minutes, you couldnt wait 10 damn minutes? No. I said nonchalantly. Why are you like this? I shrugged my shoulders.
I try not to ask anybody to do anything for me. People are full of disappointment. If the man who helped bring me into this world doesn’t care, it’ll take a miracle to make me believe anybody else does.
Let down after let down, disappointment after disappointment, each time, turns the knife a little harder.
LaShay Johnson
