More hype than happiness: why I won’t return to Singapore, Beijing, Uluru, Ulanbataar and the Trans-Siberian
5x5 I was going to list five breathtaking destinations but I’m in a grump so here are five places that didn’t live up to their hype. It doesn’t mean that I didn’t like them or I wouldn’t go back, but I didn’t like them as much as I thought I would or should.
1 Singapore I didn’t have special expectations of Singapore, so you could say that they were fulfilled. It’s a ‘best of’ city, with a bit of China, a bit of India, a bit of colonial history and a bit of Dubai skyscraper glamour. There’s also one of the least exciting Formula One circuits, full of slow, boxy corners and mainly famous as the venue for Flavio Briatore’s cheating when he ran the Renault F1 team. Like Dubai, Modern Singapore is money-obsessed and its new landmarks are a tribute to global finance. The Singapore Sling at Raffles is good, and the city is very clean. Would I go back? Not really bothered.
2 Uluru It’s a big rock. There are lots of flies. It’s very orange. There are lots of flies. You can’t photograph bits of it in case you steal its soul. There are lots of flies. There’s no airport because white Australians used to treat it like a playground; now it’s harder to get to. There are lots of flies. There are way better big rocks down the road. There are lots of flies. Would I go back? No need.
3 The Trans-Siberian Railway Imagine a cruise on a tiny ship where the only excursions are to railway platforms where you can buy bread, noodle pots, smoked fish, illegally-poached furs, eyeball-stripping vodka and heavy beer. There is no romance on the Trans-Siberian Railway. At least, if you found romance on the Trans-Siberian Railway, it would be killed by the lack of privacy or bedspace, and the griminess when you haven’t been able to have a proper shower for days. And that’s in second class. You will meet interesting people and you will have to talk to them unless you work out how to sleep for 18 hours a day (which the old lady in my cabin did so well I was afraid she’d died). The dining car was surprisingly good but remarkably underused (probably because it was also expensive by Russian standards). And the view? It’s nice, and then it’s usually the same for the rest of the day. Would I go back? No, but I’m glad I did it.
4 Beijing I may have been China’d out by the time I arrived, but Beijing felt ugly after Shanghai’s cosmopolitan blend of old China, colonial history and modern business (I just criticised Singapore for much the same thing, but I liked Shanghai). Beijing has some incredible parks, art districts, museums and ancient buildings, but I just found it hard to like, particularly the cold lifelessness of the Forbidden City and metro stations that always seem to be a long walk from wherever you want to get to. Would I go back? Yes, there’s more to see. But I wouldn’t want to stay there.
5 Ulanbataar Mongolia is beautiful, but Ulanbataar is not a good introduction. Sure it’s got a few museums, an opera house and an insanely giant statue of Chinghis Khan, but beyond those it’s an ugly collection of communist-era housing blocks and heavy industry. It’s a bit of a let-down as a gateway to the barren beauty of the Gobi desert, the sweeping vistas of the steppes or the peaks of the Gorkhi-Terelj National Park, whether you arrive on the Trans-Mongolian Express (strangely much better than the Trans-Siberian) or by taxi/bus from the airport through UB’s terrible traffic. Would I go back? Yes, but only for the rest of Mongolia.
