“Stop being a dick” and other things Donald Trump needs to learn
5x5 It’s November 3rd, which means that in a week’s time, Americans will have to choose a new president to take care of their country until Bongo Khan assumes control.
The options: an experienced diplomat and politician who sent some emails from the wrong computer; or an adulterous gameshow host and self-confessed groper of women, with pending lawsuits for sexual assault, a hair-trigger temper, an uncertain tax record, and a history of abusing racial minorities.
It seems like an easy choice, but Bongo Lane Khan, the Emperor of Greater Bongolia (formerly Mongolia, the ‘Stans, Russia, the Baltics, Scandinavia, Europe and the Middle East), is concerned that the gropey racist gameshow sexist has convinced too many Americans that they shouldn’t put a woman in charge.
He’s recorded a short message for Mr Donald Trump, and here are the takeaway highlights:
1 Don’t attack heroes The Khan thing. John McCain. These guys served. You didn’t. Be proud of them.
2 Respect women Aretha Franklin had it right. Bongo sees all people as horses, with equal rights below himself, Sandy and other monkeys. Get in line before he puts you there.
3 Make America Great Bongo will make America great. You just need to make sure it doesn’t fall apart.
4 You’ve fucked it You’re a bully, and Bongo doesn’t like bullies. So give it up to Hillary and go back to TV.
5 Stop being a dick If Bongo cut you in half (which he probably will) you would likely have ‘DICK’ written across you like a stick of rock. But if you can do it for just a few days, stop being a dick, Donny.
Watch out for the adventures of Bongo and Sandy, coming to 5x5 soon.
