Five signs that get your attention for the wrong reasons

5x5 I love a bit of signage, whether it’s funny illustrations, bad translations or terrible context. Turns out I have quite a big collection in Google Photos — here’s five of my favourites.

Mr Fish says don’t get in the way

1 Tokyo, Earthquake Emergency Road I’m not sure whether the friendly fish is advising Tokyonistas, or this is a warning of the giant fish-creatures which are expected to attack Tokyo following an earthquake-caused tsunami.

It will be true for us all, one day

2 London, Kings College Hospital It’s one of my least favourite places on Earth, but there’s an unintended gallows humour to this sign I found in the endless corridors of south London’s megahospital.

What am I supposed to do with this information?

3 Australia, Northern Territory Seriously? Even the bees are waiting to ambush you in Australia. That Nicolas Cage remake of The Wicker Man’s not so funny any more.

After you, I insist

4 London, Kew Gardens Things have gone a little bit John Wyndham at Kew Gardens since I was there last. I’m pretty confident all of these deadly plants will be from Australia.

Not too close, though. There’s a golden distance, so to speak

5 Beijing, a toilet I prefer to do it alone, but Chinese micturationists are frequently exhorted to snuggle up at the urinal. Toilet attendants must have a good budget for sign-making.