How will monkeys vote in the EU Referendum? Five monkeys speak up.

5x5 Human wisdom has failed to deliver a satisfying verdict on the EU referendum, so 5x5 asked a troop of primates who have found a home in the leafy south London village of Peckham how they would vote.

1 Jack As head monkey, Jack has years of experience looking after a menagerie of more than a dozen boisterous simians, not to mention a hungry dinosaur, a growly tiger and a playful lion. His philosophy: life is about playtime, but rowdy monkeys need an occasional boink on the head and a group hug to bring them together. “It’s all very well having councils and parliaments, but Europe won’t come together unless we can find somewhere to hug together once in a while.” #eurohug

2 Punkee This anarcho-playtimist has no time for the apparatus of government, and often has to muffle his disdain for Jack’s benign autocracy behind a magnetically-attached paw when he tumbles over-aggressively with the other monkeys. As for the apparatus of Brussels, Punkee has four words: “It’s bollocks. I’m out.” #eurobollocks

3 Otis With a smile that has melted hearts around the world from the USA to Japan, Otis is in, if only so that he can wave his seductive tail at more of those adorable Euromonkeys. “What can I say, I’m a lover not a fighter. You have beautiful eyes.” Oh, Otis! #helloladies

4 Green & Purple Founder members of Jack’s #eurohug campaign, brother Green monkey and sister Purple have always believed in sticking together, and try to make friends with other monkeys wherever they go, once causing a riot among organically-stuffed capuchins at Rome zoo. Can Britain survive alone, we asked. “A monkey alone can’t have a hug,” said a visibly-shaken Green. “Punkee makes a lot of noise but he always calms down when we get into a huddle,” adds Purple. #eurohug

5 Bongo (& Sandy) Tiny Bongo has just returned from a three-month fact-finding tour that took in Dubai, Australia, China, Mongolia and Russia, gaining an admiration for ancient leader Chinghis Khan and the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, while teaming up with Sandy, his go-anywhere steed. His solution to the EU crisis is simple: invade. Over a cup of his favourite chai, Bongo told me: “Britain has taken a back seat in Europe for too long, and these latte-sipping Eurocrats need a taste of strong and decisive leadership. Britain should take charge and install someone cute but ruthless to lead the continent. I’m free, since you asked.” #bongoforpresident