Dodging Holiday Disappointment
There is no shortage of family filled memories when it comes to celebrating the holidays. I still remember the laughter of my aunts as they huddle up to talk about all the shortcomings that their husbands share. I still remember watching my dad assembling our new bikes on Christmas Eve as my mom read him the instructions that he refused to read on his own. I still remember the first time my mother made Cornish hens instead of a big turkey on Thanksgiving. She was so worried about what everyone would think about her rebelling against traditions. Turns out, Cornish hens are a hit! Nothing like having your own small bird on Thanksgiving day.
As easy as it is for me to remember the good times, it is just as easy to remember the disappointing ones. The difference between the two is that good times can bring so much joy that truly can heal families. Yet disappointing times can bring so much hurt that it damages you. That’s right. Your disappointments have the potential to damage what use to feel like Disney moments during the holidays. It has the potential to change your excitement for family gatherings to where you now dread the thought of sitting through a meal with people you use to like, or share in traditions you use to rave about.
If we’re being real, 2020 is full of disappointments and it’s not over. Many families have had to cancel holiday gatherings due to COVID-19, or find another means to connect. If you love hosting and bringing out your best serving dishes for your famous fried turkey, then this holiday season might leave you disappointed.
So how do we survive the holidays in 2020 with memories of disappointments flooding our minds before the turkey is carved?
Eliminate Your Expectations
I believe the first step is learning to eliminate your expectations. I tell my wife quite often that I am rarely disappointed by people, or life in general, because I’ve learned to lower my expectations of them and raise my expectations in Jesus. I used to step into the seasons full of expectations, and that left me a little delusional. I was putting my expectations onto people that were never going to meet them.
You might have your list of expectations of how your father is finally going to keep the peace between him and mom this year. Or how your sister is finally going to apologize for the stress she has caused the family over the years. But I promise you that if you can lower your expectations for the way you envision them in your mind, then you might survive the holidays in 2020.
So, instead of raising your expectations in people or moments, try raising your expectations in Jesus and His ability to bring peace despite dysfunction. Jesus might not convict a family member, or change the response of a dear friend who is never grateful for the gifts you give them, but Jesus can bring peace to the middle of dysfunction. He can fill the room with calm spirits and helpful hearts. All it takes is you ripping up your expectations list and putting together your prayer list to Jesus.
Forgive Fast
Every holiday is filled with speeding cars, packed malls, and tons of Amazon boxes. The holidays naturally increase the speed at which people operate their lives, but it never brings speedy forgiveness. If you want to be intentional about dodging disappointment this holiday season then you must increase the speed of your forgiveness. Instead of holding onto the offense that you already know will happen, try forgiving fast and moving on. The goal of forgiving fast is not to get through the holiday gathering but to not leave one damaged by disappointment.
Don’t let one moment ruin you for an entire year.
Don’t Be Present In the Preparation
I get it, you’ve prepared for weeks to make things perfect. You blew the budget just to make sure everyone had gift, or that no Thanksgiving dish was left behind by someone who cancelled last minute. I get it! But living in your preparation and not in the present moment is the easiest way to open the door to offense. Before the door bell rings, or before you get out the car at someone’s home, pause and mentally step outside of the preparation season. It’s over. You did your best. You put your best effort into it, and now you get to enjoy the moment.
What people will always remember most is your presence not your preparations.
So, are you ready to dodge disappointment this holiday season? It’s gonna happen, you just have to get ready to duck!
Author: Ed Clemons
