Good Grief: When memories flood during the holidays

John 16:16–24
16 “In a little while you won’t see me anymore. But a little while after that, you will see me again.”

17 Some of the disciples asked each other, “What does he mean when he says, ‘In a little while you won’t see me, but then you will see me,’ and ‘I am going to the Father’? 18 And what does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand.”

19 Jesus realized they wanted to ask him about it, so he said, “Are you asking yourselves what I meant? I said in a little while you won’t see me, but a little while after that you will see me again. 20 I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy. 21 It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world. 22 So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy. 23 At that time you won’t need to ask me for anything. I tell you the truth, you will ask the Father directly, and he will grant your request because you use my name. 24 You haven’t done this before. Ask, using my name, and you will receive, and you will have abundant joy.

Grief can surface out of nowhere during the holidays.

Grief has no fixed timeline or destination. Instead, what if we learned to treat grief differently. Not seasonally. Not systematically. But in a way that accepts any sorrow at anytime because of our joy.

The source of grief

Down In My Heart

Grief can come from all angles. From a death to divorce to being distant from someone you love and cherish. Sometimes the source of grief is even hard to pin point or track down. The source of grief will always be triggered by an external circumstance but the source of joy will always be found through an internal foundation on the person of Jesus Christ.

Anything can happen around me because of the joy I have inside of me.

Grief is not meant to be ignored or rejected but simply lived out through the lens of the everlasting joy that comes from Jesus.

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and shield.

I trust him with all my heart.

He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.

I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.

I got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart… where? Down in my heart to stay…

The source of grief will always be external but the source of joy will always come from within.

The symptoms of good grief

Your gravitational pull will be to blame when you can begin to shift your response to bless. Our nature is in the middle of our grief is to begin to blame, but when you have a hold of the joy you begin to bless. There must be a distinctive in the way we go about handling our grief that is different from those who have not found Jesus. If we grieve the same way, we do a poor job at making Christ famous. What a difference in grieving with joy and grieving without it will be.

The words you use matter— Bless the Lord

You can tell a lot about someone’s source of joy by the words they use during a season of grief.

Psalm 34
1 I will praise the Lord at all times.

I will constantly speak his praises.

2 I will boast only in the Lord;

let all who are helpless take heart.

3 Come, let us tell of the Lord’s greatness;

let us exalt his name together.

4 I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.

He freed me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;

no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

6 In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened;

he saved me from all my troubles.

7 For the angel of the Lord is a guard;

he surrounds and defends all who fear him.

8 Taste and see that the Lord is good.

Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!

9 Fear the Lord, you his godly people,

for those who fear him will have all they need.

10 Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry,

but those who trust in the Lord will lack no good thing.

The places you go matter — The House of The Lord

Your place of refuge will always be the house of the Lord. Not the physical building but the people you surround yourself with.

Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

The promises you stand on matter— The word of The Lord

Psalm 119:50
This is my comfort in my affliction, That Thy word has revived me.

The solution to grief

Not how do we fix it ourselves, but who do we fix ourselves on?

We need a substance greater than anything this world could provide. We need a sustainable power that gets us through the grief. The source of our grief might be different. The symptoms of our grief might be different. But what sustains our grief will always be the same.

Hebrews 12:1–3
1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Grief is something you go through, but joy is something you can stand on. When we go through grief, we can stand on joy. Joy will develop you while grief is destroying you. Joy is the vehicle through which I travel through pain.

“Grief is neither a disorder nor a healing process; it is a sign of health itself, a whole and natural gesture of love. Nor must we see grief as a step toward something better. No matter how much it hurts — and it may be the greatest pain in life — grief can be an end in itself, a pure expression of love.” — Gerald May

Author: Mike Santiago