The Butterfly Effect of Doing My Best Work (which I Don’t Always Do)

The kitten where I’m currently staying — bb cats are hard to take pics of cuz of all the wiggling

Getting back on track after another skipped day of writing. I’d love to say that I wasn’t able to journal because I was so busy, but that was not the case: poor time management was to blame. The better part of my daytime was spent hanging around and cleaning up after our last day at the AirBnB and also as the passenger in the car as Kristen and I did some exploring, both fine opportunities to get in front of the laptop. But I didn’t. By the early evening, I was knee deep in overseeing a photoshoot of five girls in lingerie and then soon found myself at a queer bdsm-flavored bar to see an internet celebrity perform music. By the time I got back home, the only two things I could fathom were McDonalds in my mouth and my body in a bed.

The “unpredictability of my schedule” is a big excuse I use for why I can’t or don’t accomplish tasks. In reality, things most likely feel so scattered because I haven’t done the due diligence to properly plan for them. Take today for example: I didn’t set aside a good time to write, so now I’m doing it before I go to bed, trying to eat through my exhaustion and the sudden onset of my cramping uterus and back for the sake of keeping my promise to this project. In this state, I know I can’t give my best effort. That’s not fair to me, as the writer that wants to use this as a creative and cathartic outlet, and not fair to my readers either. But journaling daily is a constant exercise in mastering self-discipline, creating routine, and shipping myself — all 3 things I’m working with intention to improve.

There’s so much I could talk about in this entry. I could (and SHOULD) journal on this photoshoot experience from yesterday. Perhaps some reflections on the input I’ve been receiving about Los Angeles as a city and the people that live here. You might want to hear how I met Andy Milonakis today. And dang, I haven’t even yet talked about the art show that’s brought me out to the West Coast in the first place. There are so many pictures I want to share! But I don’t feel like it. My brain is already in bed.

Last night and tonight, Kristen and I are staying with two people I met a few years back, Missy and Dan. When I lived in Jersey, I threw LOTS of parties (makes sense that I do that professionally now, eh?) and any holiday was an excuse to drop a few hundred bucks on food and liquor and call our band of weirdos to partake in debauchery. The most famous of my evenings was “the wine and cheese party” where we asked guests to bring either a dessert or a bottle of wine and we would provide cheese, snacks, and a liquor punch. We privately called it “the annual great wine harvest” because everybody brought wine that nobody drank it cuz they wanted the hard stuff and we would be left with enough bottles to enjoy for the months to come.

Missy and Dan came to the last wine and cheese party I ever hosted 3 years ago by way of a mutual friend. I became friends with Missy on Facebook but never saw her again after that. When read what I wrote about going to LA, she offered her space for me and Kristen to crash. That message felt like the most perfect synchronicity of the universe — we weren’t sure where we were staying and I didn’t even know this chick lived in LA.

Tonight, me, Kristen, Missy, and Dan started reminiscing about home, and of course, that party from many moons ago came up. They both remarked how much fun they had but stunned me with why they have such fond memories of the evening: at my party was where they confided in each other that they wanted to date and from there, their relationship was born.

Since then, they’ve moved to California together by way of a week long road trip across the country and have been each other’s main source of support since. That wine and cheese party — which I barely remember because I’ve hosted so many of them — was the start of the most important relationship of their lives. They own a god damn kitten together now, that’s basically like having a child.

That’s why it’s important that I continue to bring my best effort to all situations — I have no idea how the work I perform or the words I write can have far reaching effects beyond what I can measure. I’ve already seen that in the short amount of time I’ve been journaling here. Someone booked a trip to Vegas she was on the fence about it when she read that I was fearful of going to LA but still doing it. Just cuz I wrote some words. Missy and Dan wound up making an important commitment to each other, just cuz I mixed some punch and sent out a Facebook invite.

Would they have started dating without my party? Most likely. Am I going to take some credit for it though? Most definitely. Because “just” showing up now is no longer good enough. I have ripples to make and intend to create them with intention, not as an after thought.

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This is Day 13 of 7/17in750! I’m challenging myself to complete and publish a daily journal entry from my writing at for the entire month of July. Read the introduction to the project here.

Thanks for reading and I hope you’ll join me for the rest my daily journaling series. Don’t miss an update — subscribe here.