Can we talk?

The Transformative Power of Personal Interaction

By Rick Alloway

It’s been over 30 years since Rodney King called a news conference to famously ask “Can we all get along?”

Even a cursory glance at news video from the past few weeks is enough to provide ample evidence that his question has yet to be answered. Whether in a courtroom, in the halls of Congress, in protests over international confrontations or even during what used to be mild political caucuses like the recent one next door to the east, Americans seem hooked on the use of increased volume, vitriol and sometimes violence in attempts to get our collective points across.

But is anybody listening? Is any meaningful exchange taking place? Does anyone come away thinking “Hmmm…that’s a good point…” from any of these shouting matches?

I have wrestled in attempts to sort out the reasons for the seeming increase in hostility. Earlier this month, The Washington Post published an article that adds some new research to the discussion.

In an article titled “Science is revealing why American politics are so intensely polarized” by Joel Achenbach published on January 20, political science researchers at Johns Hopkins University discussed data that suggests dislike for folks “on the other side” may be a main driver in political discourse these days. They posit our divided, tribal political landscape has shifted away from differences of opinion about policy matters to personal emotions toward those who don’t think the way we do — a condition they call “affective polarization.”

A central theme of the research is humans tend to distrust and may even grow to dislike others who identify as being in different camps, even if that is all they know about them. However, when folks from different camps are brought together to work on a common problem (and learn more about each other as a result) there is evidence those negative feelings can often be reduced as participants find there is more that unites than divides them.

The concept of personal interaction to close gaps is not new. Here are a couple of examples:

In 1995, Deke Sharon, who many vocalists credit as a major driver in the growth of interest in a cappella singing over the past few decades, came up with a concept called the Urban Harmony movement. He noticed the increase in negative behaviors among students in the San Francisco area who had no structured activities after school. His organization started a cappella choruses to attract some of these young people to come in from the street corners; to make music together rather than join gangs. His thinking at the time was that it’s more difficult to pick a fight with somebody with whom you have sung. Nearly 30 years later, two of those choirs are still in place in the Bay area, raising voices rather than fists.

Similarly, since 2001, an international organization called PeacePlayers has been leveraging the power of sport to bring young people of different backgrounds and cultures together on the basketball court. From post-apartheid South Africa where white and black children play together — often for the first time — to Northern Ireland, where Protestant and Catholic students long separated by the “troubles” share a team together, PeacePlayers has been building bridges between students who had grown up being told they could not coexist with “those people.”

This doesn’t have to be a team sport. One-on-one works, too. You may remember a 2017 ad for Heineken which brought people of differing viewpoints together to complete a task, and learn more about each other in the process. Spend 4½ minutes watching it.

Toward that end, I would like to propose a simple suggestion. Make a start wherever you are. Sit down with somebody over a beverage. And talk. One to one.

I know. You may be thinking “Oh, you innocent creature. We’re way past that point.”

You may be right. I may be crazy. (Apologies to Billy Joel.) But I have witnessed the power and value of personal interactions — if even between just a couple of people — too many times to give up on the concept.

I was blessed to know and count as a personal mentor Dr. Ron Joekel, a long-time faculty member and administrator in what was then called the Teacher’s College at UNL. He was a devoted volunteer in charge of a summer leadership workshop, started in the 1960s and sponsored by the Nebraska Association of Student Councils. The workshop is packed each year with leadership skill-building activities for young people, many of which touch on the importance of interpersonal communication. Ron thought that element was so important that he would start the workshop every summer by telling the young delegates “Nothing of any consequence ever happens until two people sit down and talk.”

Today, the workshop is alive and well, sponsored in a wonderfully expanded format by the local group of dedicated staffers now known as Launch Leadership. The principle of personal, thoughtful communication is still part of the workshop experience. Ask Launch staffers or workshop delegates if their lives have been transformed by listening intently with compassionate, nonjudgemental ears. I think you’ll be impressed with what they tell you.

Across the pond, A Danish organization called the Human Library has been at work since 2000 helping people “unjudge someone” as their slogan reads. Starting with books that allowed readers to learn of different cultures, the Human Library — or “Menneskebiblioteket” as it is known there (I love that name!) — has expanded to facilitating human one-on-one conversations between people of different cultures to help defuse stereotypes and build friendships. They now provide bridge-building services in more than 80 countries on six continents. All based on that most basic of human interactions. A conversation.

On a personal level, the very blog post you are reading came about as a result of conversations at a local “coffee haunt.” The View From 8 Angles was the brainchild of Randy Bretz, who wanted to gather a group of eight Lincoln men to share their views. As lines from an early post explained: “We do not seek to collectively agree on points of view, but we do agree that understanding how someone else thinks and processes information differently is vitally important in gaining a fuller picture of the issue. In turn, this image will lead to finding better answers to complex and nuanced problems that are otherwise left to sound bite treatment and analysis.”

Our merry band was modeled after a similar effort by some other fine local writers — a wonderful blog called 5 Women Mayhem. I highly recommend it to you, as well.

So — what’s your take? What’s on your mind? I’d love to visit, one on one. We most likely won’t solve the world’s problems. But you never know where a simple conversation might lead. We can at least make a start at understanding and getting along better. If you’re interested, let me know.

I’m always willing to add a second cup to this picture.

Cheers!