Friday Morning Memo from Boss Bunny: Hopping into the Weekend
Attention all employees of Warren Incorporated (aka my home office),
As we approach the end of another productive week, your CEO (Chief Eating Officer) Kenny, aka Boss Bunny, has some important announcements. Please pay attention, as failure to comply may result in severe side-eye or, worse, the withholding of nose boops.
- Productivity Treats: This week’s blueberry quota has been exceeded, thanks to your diligent efforts in treat distribution and timely belly rubs. As a reward, bonus banana chips will be distributed to all staff members. Please form an orderly line by the treat jar, and remember — Kenny always gets first pick.
- Weekend Project: R&D (Relaxation & Dewlap-time) Effective immediately, R&D is mandatory for all employees. Any work-related thoughts will result in immediate time-out in the cardboard castle. Remember, the castle may look like a chew toy, but it’s a state-of-the-art correctional facility.
- Dress Code Update: In an effort to improve comfort and align with Kenny’s fashion sense, fuzzy slippers are now acceptable office attire. They remind the boss of his own fashionable feet. Bonus points for anyone brave enough to sport bunny ears — just be prepared for Kenny to mistake them for chew toys.
- New Health Initiative: Our wellness committee (consisting of Kenny and his favorite blanket) has decreed that more frequent stretch breaks are necessary, preferably in a ‘sploot’ position. It’s good for circulation, looks adorable, and makes Kenny feel less self-conscious about his own sploot habits.
- Upcoming Team Building: A group flop session is scheduled for Sunday afternoon. Participation is voluntary but strongly encouraged. Those who attend will receive extra head pats and may be considered for future promotions (note: all promotions are paid in treats).
- Office Maintenance: Please be advised that Kenny has designated certain areas as his personal digging spots. Any files, cables, or important documents placed in these areas are at risk of being reorganized into Kenny’s vision of a perfect burrow. We suggest storing all important items in high places — Boss Bunny respects the ancient law of “if I can’t reach it, I can’t chew it.”
- Communication Guidelines: While Kenny appreciates all forms of communication, please note that he responds best to gentle whispers, sweet nothings, and the rustle of treat bags. All complaints should be directed to the nearest mirror, where you can practice your best “but I’m so cute” face for future negotiations.
- Employee of the Month: This month’s award goes to the dust bunny in the corner that Kenny mistook for a real bunny friend. Its dedication to staying still and fooling the boss is unparalleled.
Remember, in the corporate jungle of our living room, we hop to it, but we also know when to binky and relax. Kenny’s leadership style may be unconventional, but his commitment to a laid-back, treat-filled workplace is unwavering.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, Kenny has called an urgent meeting in the sunbeam on the living room floor. I suspect it’s about the critical shortage of head scratches, but one never knows with these high-level executive discussions.
How’s your furry (or not so furry) boss treating you this Friday? Share your pet’s ‘management style’ below! Bonus points for the most creative pet-inspired workplace policies!
