I’m 20s now and my mind is a mess because I’m looking back on my life and feeling confused in present.
When I was 18s, I had a lot of dreams and hopes for my future. Going to university, coming to a new city and meeting new people. This is a most memorable milestone in my life.
But, life isn’t what I thought It would be, tired and stressed. I forgot what I really I want to do, why I come here and what is fucking I’m doing now. I lost my dream.
Sit, with a coffee cup and silence in my dormitory, I with I could turn back my 18s and told these things with me-in-18s:
1. I will respect and keep up with my old friends (in highschool) more.
Going to university, it means I leave my home, leave my friends at my hometown. Everybody will have their own life, new friends and jobs, I knew it. The time in highschool is the best time of life, but I didn’t respect it.
My ego is too big, I can’t connect my friends and my life become bad. Everyday, I went to school, went to bookstore at night and listened sad music in my bed. These time is dark and hard to me.
When I have a vacation, I will go to home, visit my family. My past rush on and I always feel sad and lonely. Just staying at home, looking these screen and do my work. I’ve never stopped talking to myself that “This place is not for me!”
2. I will be grateful for my family and my teachers.
As my adolescent, I against my family. I wanted more clothes, new stuffs for going out with my friends and my parents can’t afford it. I fought with my brothers. I regret now, I wish I could change it.
It’s been a long time I don’t visit my teachers. I can’t go to my university and make my dream come true if without them.
I’m an ungrateful people. I’m going to fix it now, practicing be grateful for life help me overcome desparation a lot.
3. I will be confident in myself and do not care too much about people say
I want my own things will be like this, but my friends don’t like it.
I want to join a club at my school, but I’m scared that I can’t.
I want to meet my friends, but I’m scared that I can’t be good in speaking.
I spend too much time for caring about what people think about me. I always try to pleasure everyone and have none of my decision. I don’t want to say things will hurt others, but I let others do it.
This is why my life is suck.
This is the most regretted thing in my 18s.
4. I will be patient and focus on my passion.
I’ve been failed in playing soccer, my friends don’t want me to go in my team. But finally, I found that I can play good in basketball because I train hard and focus.
But I can’t do it anymore. I want so much in life. I learned beatboxing, quickly I give up. I want to write to be a tech blogger, win a programming contest, learn to play guitar, … I have good chances to do it, but I’m not patient. I’m easy to be disappointment and give up. That why I never had a true passion.
Patience, means you always be positive in your journey to archive your goals. The greatest gift of life is just for people who know to be patient.
Now, I believe that I can write a post daily in 90 days (till the end of 2017) and start a successful blog.
5. I will slow down and enjoy my young.
18-year-olds, hustling, purchasing somethings I don’t know clearly. I quickly become desperated. I always want to do something great, make money and going somewhere, have some cool picture on Facebook. Thinking about future too much, but I forget present.
I do some part-time jobs, not relate to my faculty. Loving fast, the relationships is going to bad. Don’t talk with friends too much. My friends told me that I’m talk and think like a 50s-60s people.
I laugh a lot, but the inside is an empty soul. I think too much about future, set so many goals and I lock up myself in a cage.
If I could turn back my time, I would say to myself that:
“Just slow it down, hear your heartbeat and do it now. Don’t hesitate and think too much, it’s useless.”
