[Audioculus]

[background noise of traffic]

[utensils clattering in neighbouring house]

[Born To Be Wild playing on radio]

♪ Yeah Darlin’ go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space ♪

[pencil scribbling on paper]

… I would say I am an average person with a unique ability …

[Door opens with a thud]

[Rachel] “Hey Michael Jackson, why do you need to play that so loudly? Put that on mute, will you?”

Rachel is my annoying elder sister. She’ll keep interrupting from time to time. Don’t worry, you’ll learn to ignore her.

[Me] “I’m sorry. I’ll lower the volume. But how am I supposed to read it on mute?”

That’s the fifth time this week.

[Rachel] “Ok. Fine.”

She rolls her eyes when she knows she has said or suggested something silly. She looks slightly towards her left. Always. I don’t even need to check.

♪ Racin’ with the wind
And the feelin’ that I’m under ♪

[Me] “And it’s Steppenwolf.”

[Rachel] “Sorry?”

[Me] “It’s ok.”

♪ Like a true nature’s child
We were born, born to be wild ♪

[scribbling resumes]

… I was born deaf. But I never had much trouble listening. That’s because I was born with a natural hearing aid: Ever since I opened my eyes, I could see subtitles for every sound around me. As a baby, I must have only seen a soup of letters appearing in the air …

[Rachel] “What are you writing?”

See, what did I tell you?

[Me] “Just my statement of purpose for tomorrow’s pitch.”

[Rachel] “Cashing in on the ghostly letters, are we?”

‘Annoying’ should be her middle name.

[Me] “Yes. Just like you cash in on the wisdom gained from high definition pictures of hamburgers and fries, #foodporn.”

Rachel handles social media marketing for a restaurant chain.

[Rachel] “Ha. Ha.”

She rolls her eyes again.

[scribbling resumes]

… But the up side of hearing like this is that I learnt to read at just 18 months. The down side is that I can hear more things than a normal ear. I get a text notification for [ambient noise] before my eyes all the time, although I have learnt to ignore it now. It’s a bit like peripheral vision: you notice things but don’t pay attention to them …

[Rachel] “All right, carry on. Be downstairs in ten.”

What else was I doing? ‘Carry on’ is among the most inappropriately used phrases in the English language. It’s almost like waking someone up from their sleep to wish them ‘good night’.

[door closes]

[Simba purring]

That’s my adorable cat. The way he looks at my applications, I think he would make a good editor. I always get the feeling I don’t get subtitles for what Simba says.

[pressure cooker whistling in the kitchen]

[scribbling resumes]

… As an infant, I did drop a few hints regarding my different ability. For instance, I was not the easiest baby to hold. I would constantly try to jump out of people’s grip in my effort to grasp the letters in the air, as if they were mosquitoes. I was three and a half years old when my family — and through them, I — finally realised I relied on a different sense for listening. Since subtitles for every audible sound would float before my eyes, I would react like a person with normal hearing ability. Except with my eyes closed. My mother figured that out while singing me a lullaby, to which I paid attention with unblinking eyes. ‘You hear with your ears, Jaimey.’ That came as a revelation to me …

[Mom worrying]

Yes, you can literally listen to her worrying.

[Rachel] (shouting) “Jaimey! Dinner’s ready. Come downstairs.”

Ignore.

… To me, the only purpose served by ears was the use of earlobes as a distracting toy for babies in the hands of grown-ups. It was the only reason evolution hadn’t rendered the human ear a vestigial organ. Well, that and its highly functional role as a stand for spectacles. I couldn’t hear a thing without them. My precious precious glasses. Come to really think of it, if you were to swish your wand and enchant me with the ability to hear normally, and play my favourite music, you would still not catch me closing my eyes and swaying my head to its beats. To be mesmerised by it, I would still need to read the notes with my eyes wide open. Without that, I wouldn’t know a song I like from one I don’t …

[Rachel] (shouting) “Jaimey! Get your fat ass down here or I’ll punch you in the eye!”

[Me] (shouting) “Okay! Okay! I am coming!”

Fine, I’ll do this later. I don’t want a third strike.

***

[bed vibrating]

Snooze.

[bed vibrating]

[alarm ringing]

♪ Today is a beautiful day

Rise and shi– ♪

Damn, I am late again.

[Mom] “Sleepy angel, you have your presentation in an hour! Get ready quickly. I’ll fix you some–”

[Me] “I know. I know.”

[Mom worrying and rushing to the kitchen]

[water flowing through tap]

[Jaimey pooping]

If I play Led Zeppelin, it simply says ‘[Led Zeppelin playing]’. No mention of Jaimey. But I get all the recognition in the world for my stellar performance on the toilet seat. Hmm, I could use this for my presentation. Or maybe not.

[toilet flushing]

[water flowing through shower]

[pants zipping up]

[shoe laces getting tied]

[quick footsteps]

[Rachel] (shouting) “Jaimey, breakfast is rea– look who’s here. You arriving for a meal in one call is as probable as getting a thousand likes on a post organically.”

I roll my eyes in Rachel’s style.

[Rachel] “Nevermind. Have your food. Mom made spaghetti and meatballs.”

[Me] “Lovely.”

[Rachel] “Hang on. Don’t eat it. Let me post a picture of that first.”

[phone camera clicking]

[ping]

[ping]

[ping]

[Me] “Jesus, can you please put your phone on silent!?”

[Rachel] “How about enjoying this delicious meal with your eyes closed?”

[Me] “How am going to listen to your beautiful voice if I do that?”

[Rachel laughing]

I don’t know how she sounds when she laughs. Her scary expression makes me feel glad for the same.

[Rachel] “All right. All right. How’s your preparation for the presentation? Do you think you’ll win the scholarship?”

[spaghetti slurp]

[fork scratching on plate]

[Me] “It’s ok. Ish. I can’t say. I’m just scared of–”

[footstep behind]

[dagger unsheathed]

[Me] “What the ffff!”

I turn around in panic with my fork pointed at the intruder, only to find my mother standing there with a knife like a mischievous child caught stealing candy. I roll my eyes at her, even as I shake nervously. (But who’s going to miss an opportunity for mocking Rachel?) I look at her. She rolled her eyes. Surprise. Surprise.

[Mom] “Sorry, sorry, sorry darling. I’m so sorry my baby.”

Mom rushes to comfort me.

[Me] “It’s not cool Mom. I have told you not to pull that knife from the stand with a sudden stroke.”

Misinterpreting the source of a sound — one of the many wonderful and life-threatening curses of hearing through subtitles.

[Rachel] “Ahem, you were saying. ‘I’m just scared of…’”

[Me] “Scared of my irritable stomach. I would probably see [Jaimey farting] floating in the air at some point. But I won’t know how loud it is. And that distracts me.”

[Rachel laughing like a monster]

[Mom] “You don’t worry about it honey.”

[Rachel] “Yeah who knows, the panel may enjoy the fireworks.”

[Mom smacking Rachel on the head]

Music. Hi-ha-ha.

[Mom] “All the best honey.”

[Rachel suppressing laughter]

[Rachel] (suddenly serious) “Hey look at me. You don’t worry about it. Just go there and have a blast.”

[Rachel bursts out laughing]

[Me] “I guess that would be good promotion for your restaurant’s menu.”

[Rachel high-fiving me]

[Me] “See you later.”

[door closes behind me]

[noise of traffic]

[Mom worrying] Oh c’mon.

— — —

Written in response to the prompt:

“You’re deaf, but you’ve been able to see subtitles since birth. One day while eating in your apartment: [SPAGHETTI SLURP] [FORK SCRATCHING ON PLATE] [FOOTSTEP BEHIND] [DAGGER UNSHEATHED] [HAHA JUST KIDDING]”