Perdition

When I put the gun to my head, I knew there’d be consequences. I just didn’t know there’d be consequences for me. I saw my life in the muzzle flash before my eyes. I saw the good times, the cute little moments. The wife, the kids, the joys, the victories. I saw the bad times too. The sorrows, struggles, heart breaks.

And then I saw the reason for killing myself in the first place. The horror of it, the growing discomfort with the truth, the fear enveloping my body, the bloodshot eyes, the loosing control, I remembered that.

I knew relief was coming. Freedom. I knew God would understand. To commit a sin, to avoid another surely can’t be considered sin. I knew I had good in my heart. I had been a good man my whole life. Or I’d tried to be, by doing the right thing. Do right by my people. I took care of my parents, worked a job for 35 years, raised my kids to be good and true. Loved my wife, never once let her down.

And I went to my temples to pray, paid obeisance to my gods. Prayed to them to show me the way, to light my path. To save me from temptation, to deliver me from evil. But maybe this was my path. Some sins are too tempting, some sins too sinful. I couldn’t live with myself anymore. God would understand, I knew he would. I believed in him. I had decided to let go.

I woke up on a soft bed, a white bedsheet around me adorned with white cushions. For a second I feared I hadn’t died, that the bullet had missed me, that God would not let me go so easily.

I panicked, looking around. I didn’t recognise anything, partly because I didn’t have my glasses on but mostly because everything was huge around me. Or that I was tiny. My bed was on the edge of a table, next to a lamp that seemed to tower high above me.

I looked further, and there was bright sunshine flooding a room full of bright colours. It hurt to keep looking, and I looked around for my glasses once more.

When I didn’t find them, I decided to keep looking. I felt I had never seen such beauty. The bright colours painted the picture of blurry objects that were of the most beautiful hues.

As I sat back in awe, wondering what part of heaven I had stumbled into, the door to the room opened. And I saw a beautiful vision dressed in white coming in. She glimmered in the sunlight, the white of her dress in contrast to the glimmer of the golden in her hair.

I felt my body lighten and my heart starting to pump faster. I felt younger than I had in years. I closed my eyes and cried a few tears of joy. God was being kind to me, and in ways he hadn’t been for years. I felt myself younger by the second. I got up, and began shedding my clothes. Today, I wanted to let go. I wanted to let the Sun hit my naked body. I was free.

I broke into a smile the likes of which I hadn’t in a long time. And as the angel twirled in front of me I looked down to find myself sporting a proud erection. And that’s when I really knew I was in heaven.

Then the angelic figure began to walk towards me, het feet almost never touched the ground. I elegant, so much energy. I wanted for her to get closer, to release me.

She came close, her face still blurry but clearer and more beautiful now.

“Hi Grandpa, why are you naked? Didn’t the program load your clothes for you?”

Saying so she picked up a tab from the table. My 6 year old granddaughter stood smiling in front of me. I walked back, mouth hanging open but found myself hitting an invisible barrier.

“Oh Grandpa, you’re also not wearing your glasses. Let me help you with that.”

As soon she said that and touched the tab, I had my glasses on. I could see her unblemished skin looking at me. I tried to hide my nakedness, and my erection, but there was nowhere to hide.

She then put my clothes on for me, and I finally was able to relax just a little to begin to understand what was happening.

My granddaughter put down the tab near me, then she took off her frock, standing naked in front of the mirror as she began to change into another dress.

“Grandpa, when you died I was very sad. Ma and Pa made sure you didn’t go away just yet. Ma and Pa say you can be with me forever. We will be best friends.”

My granddaughter ran towards me, naked, her golden hair shimmering in the sunlight. I stood rigid where I was, holding back tears as I tried to hide my erection. The one thing I needed to get away from. The sin I couldn’t live with. It was in front of me now. Today I had learnt there was a God, and that there was no escaping my sins.

Written in response to the prompt:

“Instead of heaven or hell, when you die, you find yourself in the room of a six year-old girl who invites you to join her tea party. It soon dawns on you, you’re her imaginary friend!”