Significant Moments of 2013

Lesson learned: Your thoughts can kill you. literally. Guilt, shame, aka any negative emotions are like poision. They arent to be always avoided, but they should never ever ever be allowed to fester in your mind. People make mistakes but constantly blaming yourself will take up your energy, make you more stupid, and hold you back from actually changing, improving yourself, and making the decisions that will keep your inner fire bright and shining. Be a beacon instead of a flickering flame.

Diagnosed with Lymphoma

I had a lymphnode on my neck that wouldn’t go away. It was large and firm. During all this I was involved in a toxic relationship, regardless of if it was my fault or not (it’s rarely black and white), I felt immense guilt, shame, self-pity, thinking, thinking, thinking, burnout. My body failed in this condition. At the worst part of my relationship, I had surgery to have my lymphnode removed. I had friends around but I felt so alone. I felt like my partner failed me and gave up on me. I got angry and even though a large part of the ending of the relationship was due to my inability to be open and tell the truth about my insecurities I felt that my partner should have helped me through it. He didn’t and I didn’t feel that he was worthy just as he deemed me unworthy of the effort.

After my anger, I promised myself that I wouldn’t put myself in the position to feel unworthy again. I didnt know it then but I did put myself in that position. If it hadn’t been with the same person I have no idea if I wouldve known but I do now. More on that later.

Lesson learned: Friends are so important. They are not to be taken advantage of. They deserve gratitude. They deserve your love.

Lesson learned: People make mistakes. You have to live with the consequences. What you put out in the world is what really really matters because that’s what collides with people and changes them. Don’t be a bubble filled with fart that pops and kills your friends. Be a bubble filled with butterflies, or puppies, or clean-laundry-smell. A relationship requires the possibility of carrying a very heavy burden. If you’re not ready, do not get into a relationship. You give people false hope of that support and when theyre at their lowest, you rip the rug from out under leaving them feeling lower than they really need at that moment. You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy. ALWAYS go back to love—love for your self. I believe I will never stop improving. I will never really know who I am. I am always searching. Maybe it wont always be always but currently I am. I need someone to understand that. I don’t need someone to be on the same journey, but I need someone to understand that.

Working at Mitchell

My first job. This wasn’t really my first job but it’s the one I actually feel proud for considering. The best jobs teach you the most. I think I learn the most in a positive environment. My team was so loving, caring, and respectful that it made me want to be a better person. I definitely had questions about my integrity, but they always had the affect of pushing me towards the actions that made me sustain that integrity. My manager was so gentle and but firm. He was someone I really looked up to and someone I hope to be at least 50% of.

Lesson learned: These are the type of people you want to work with. They are all unique in their own way. Support at work is so important. If you are surrounded by people who want to learn at work then you are surrounded by people who want to grow. You are surrounded by people who are compassionate about your struggles and want you to grow.

Lesson learned: As a designer, you are the voice, advocate, and mother of all users. Users need you. They need to be heard. Be there for them like you would be there for your child.

Friends

It’s my new life goal to be a significant positive influence on all of you. I promise.